The Decision-Making Process

by Rene Gaudette -

Sometimes, it’s best to wait.

Allow yourselves to recognize that as you move through from day to day, moment to moment in your life, that on many occasions you will find yourself in situations where it is best to ‘not decide’ in that particular moment. 

For if you were to decide, you would be deciding on the basis of less facts, less knowledge, less awareness.

The decision-making process itself – moving through as the wind moves through, around you – is a process of evaluation, a process of absorbing all that is around you – all knowledge, all aspects of the situation – that you then are able to with that knowledge, with those observations decide or evaluate the most beneficial course in which to move. Beneficial to yourself, of course.

In that process, therefore, in some moments, the most opportune moment in time does not present itself when the ego personality wishes to have it done.

thewonders.com

What is the Ego?

 by Tina Olivero -

 It’s a really great question.

The earliest definitions of the ego date back to when we lived in survival, hunting and gathering days.  It was said that the ego was a protection mechanism that kept us alive in times of danger and confrontation.  

It was the ego that would protect us and create our identities as human beings – those who needed to live, be superior to other animals, stay away from things that made us ill, dress and keep warm and basically ensure the survival of the body we are in.  The ego is what differentiated us from the spirit.

Sigmund Freud became famous by explaining the ego in psychological terms – the Id, ego and super ego.  Freud explained the ID is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends and the Super EGO as the part of us that does critical thinking and moralizing of right and wrong, whereas the ego is the organized, realistic part that mediates between the desires of the id and the super ego.

In the 1970′s the definition of the ego was the “macho, cool, self centered, hot guy in school, who thought he was all that.”

Just like people, words evolve and the word ego has evolved to reflect the current level of understanding and consciousness around the world.

For purposes of greater self understanding, the ego is now defined by Tina Olivero as our “Human-ness”  in other words, one part of two – “Human” and “Being”.  

This is the era of duality.  

We now understand Human Being as two distinct entities.  Our human-ness and our being-ness.  Together they make a human being.

HUMAN (EGO)

Our ego selves or  HUMAN personality is what has us make mistakes, take a road of disempowerment, self sabotage, suffer, be resistant, be stubborn, be confined, be confused, be disempowered, be the victim, blame others, feel powerless, take on addictions, relies on physical senses or eyes, ears, smell, touch, and so on.

BEING (HIGHER SELF)

The BEING personality is the opposite of our humaness, thus causing our dual nature.  BEING can be described as our presence, our place of empowerment, positive energy, higher position, evolved or spiritual way, is love, willing, growth, contribution, freedom, self expression, creativity, creates unity and understanding, utilizes unseen senses such as heart, intuition, feelings, etc.

THE DUALITY OF OUR NATURE

The duality of our nature as 1.humans and 2. beings means that human beings have a lot of variation and experience within their personalities.  So much so that it may seem like there’s more than one person in there.  That’s because of our dualistic nature.  

Human beings have the ego and the higher self specifically to create an entire range of emotions, feelings and experiences that make life very interesting.

To play fully on the court of life is to deeply explore both sides of ourselves.  

To understand who we are and who we are not.  And every time we have a clearer understanding or “aha” realization – in that moment we gain access to our higher selves.  

It’s actually the disempowered ego that gives rise to the higher self, our growth and evolution into a more conscious way of “BEING”.

There’s no right or wrong, no good or bad. The ego is an essential part of our “growth” which is required on this learning planet.  Yes that’s right, this is the learning planet and we can either embrace our growth and learning or we can resist it.  

When we resist it…that’s the ego.  

The emotion associated with resistance is suffering – EVERY TIME!

OK now that we understand that, then it’s simply an egoic understanding and awareness that will allow us to surrender that ego and move into the higher self.   It might look like giving up being right or being coachable or being loving or taking the high road or moving out of drama, or taking responsibility for the outcome, or shifting to an empowering view.   

The actual SHIFTING is an experience like no other.  It’s beautiful and when we do it, we realize profoundly that we can find beauty in the toughest of places.  It’s all good.

The quickest way to deal with your ego:

1.  Notice you are disempowered by feelings of anger, dispair, low energy, grief, guilt, jealousy or any other low emotion. 

2.  Ask where is my ego in this and what’s the higher spiritual solution requesting to come in?  Where do I need to take responsibility for this?  Where do I need to surrender my own ego?  Where am I playing small?  Where am I being the victim? What’s the solution here?  What are the range of possibilities? 

3. Knowing that everything that happens in your life is for YOUR growth and learning …. realize, learn, grow and get your AHA transformation. 

4.  See it, GET IT and adapt a new way of living and BEING. 

5.  Experience happiness, freedom, power and full self expression as a direct RESULT of doing this work.

THANK YOU EGO!  WE LOVE YOU!

To learn more about Transformational Training for Personal and Professional Mastery – Please contact: Coach and Seminar Leader, Ms. Tina Olivero at...

transformwithtina.com 

Thoughts, Beliefs and the Ego

by Tracy Webb - 

Life seems to be a continual challenge. 

One thing after another and the eternal search for happiness. We spend so much of our lives creating an identity for ourselves with all the likes and dislikes that go with it.

These preferences build associations within us, which then turn into expectations, conflict and many problems.

We tend to compare our beliefs to other peoples and then defend our position making them wrong as they’re ideas don’t fit in with our picture of how ‘it should be’.

Life is unlimited. 

It is arrogant and naive to think that only our thoughts and beliefs are right.

They may be right for us with the limited knowledge we have at this moment but the more we learn and grow the more opportunities there are for new information to become available for us.

The information we defend so valiantly is only ever a very small part of a much larger truth, being open to the thoughts of anything is possible helps to expand our minds and experiences.

How many beliefs have you held that seemed to support your way of thinking and then something happened to change your point of view?

Take Father Christmas for example as a child you believed fully in him then as you became older you let go of that belief. At the time it was true for you and now it isn’t.

What would happen if you treated all your knowledge with the thought that this is what I know today and tomorrow, new information maybe available to me to gain a new perspective? How liberating!

Try being open to allowing everyone their point of view.

The beliefs we hold will be directly related to our experiences and it may be difficult for us to understand another’s way of thinking, however, there will be a rational (for them anyway) reason why they think in such a way.

Live and let live. 

All the beliefs we hold only get in our way. Instead of allowing life to ‘be’ we look at our situation and cast a judgement on it – either we like or dislike it.

The choices we make will bring us corresponding experiences. Our dislikes are really our resistances to ‘what is’.

By not living in the present and not accepting the current reality or situation we find ourselves in we create more problems for ourselves.

We get caught up in the emotions that follow, because we have chosen not to accept it but react against it instead. It seems to have become an international past time – to prove each other wrong and validate our own thinking.

All this happens because we had an attachment to our belief. 

We believe our thoughts to be real and the only truth. We then use this information and compare it to our experiences and other peoples point of view.

When these don’t match, we have to either accept that perhaps we have been wrong in our thinking or defend ourselves against them.

When seeing your situation in this way it is magnified. Our sense of self is threatened as our ego tries to make sense of what’s happening, fighting all the way.

Our tendency might be to become a victim of the circumstances or to launch a full on attack. Either way, it only leads to more pain and suffering. We can’t change the situation as it has already happened so the only logical thing we can do is to accept it.

Find a solution, learn from it and take steps towards damage limitation.

When we notice all your likes and dislikes it becomes apparent how futile they are and how they enslave us. We are led from one experience to another, like being on a roller coaster of emotions.

What would happen if you dropped all those cravings and aversions?

What if you were just happy anyway? 

Not because of circumstances but because you have chosen to be. Probably sounds impossible. When you stop and think about it for a minute it is the only logical thing you can do.

To find that happiness within allows you to keep it, as it doesn’t depend on any outside factors. It is your chosen natural state of being.

Situations come to us everyday. Our job is not to fight them, our job is to accept them. It is our reactions that determine how we experience life, not the situations we find ourselves in.

Can you view your life as a gift bringing you valuable lessons for your growth or do you have the view that there is a vengeful God handing our bad experiences to you?

Life isn’t personal, although because we are so attached to our identity and defending our positions we take it to be so. Your thoughts about life create your experience of it.

Have you ever tried to accept anyone or anything in your life unconditionally? Accepting them for who they are without prejudice or judgement?

It’s not about being tolerant of them as tolerance implies that you are putting up with something.

True acceptance allows compassion to come in and for you to see their true essence without the clouds of your judgement upon them.

It’s a beautiful experience. Acceptance brings love into your heart and the experience of unconditional love that flows from there. 

Can your ego allow you to act in this way?

It is possible although it may take time to undo past habitual behaviour patterns. We are so used to defending our position to the end – what will it feel like not to do that anymore? To allow someone else to be ‘right’ and not have to attempt to impose you’re way on to him or her?

It’s a very humbling experience. 

We each have equally valid points of view and the more you try to convince someone that your way is right they will counter defend with just as strong an argument of why their way is right.

No-one wins and both leave feeling frustrated and with ill thoughts towards the other.

The interesting thing about our thoughts is that we only know what we know – we all know different things in different ways and through different experiences and everyone’s thoughts are true for them, so how can you convince them otherwise?

The more awareness you can bring into your life the more you will notice how you interact with ‘life’.

Our reactions have associated feelings, making them even more challenging. When a situation occurs, feelings and emotions surge through our bodies and the reaction comes from there.

It is mostly unconscious and very powerful. It practically takes you over. The strength of the reactions adds fuel to the situation making it even more unbearable.

Can you see how we are slaves to our emotions? 

The feelings of being hard done by or mistreated or taken advantage of create associated reactions and depending on the depth of attachment you have to each one will depend on the intensity of the reaction.

Have you watched other people react and felt how out inappropriate it was? This points to the depth of attachment and associated feelings they have to the situation they find themselves in.

They are fighting to regain control. The anger, aggression, sadness or whichever emotion arises is projected to others and they feel fully justified in doing so.

What happened to self control and taking responsibility for ones emotions? It seems to be acceptable to attack another because they don’t like what they said!

Everyone has an agenda is every situation – have you ever tried to meet a person where they are and not where you are? 

The interaction is so much more interesting and rewarding. 

You really get to understand the person you are speaking with on a different level and get a feel for why they act in certain ways.

A lot of times people don’t listen to each other as they are too busy talking about themselves or thinking of the next thing to say. So much talking but so little progress!

Next time your find yourself in a challenging situation, why not try to take the time to observe the feelings and emotions rise within you? Feel the power it has to overwhelm you and how quickly the reaction can happen. Know that this is ‘your’ reaction to the situation.

It may be impossible for a while, but try to just ‘be’ with the feelings. The other person is having the same surge of emotions through their body only they have chosen to give in to theirs.

When you manage to observe and understand your reaction you will have started the process of breaking down that association.

It is a very powerful experience and once you have experienced it you will be amazed at how reactionary we are. How unconsciously we live our lives!

People are creatures of habit and the more we do something the more ingrained it becomes within us. Changing our habits can change our experience of life. 

Instead of being rigid and limited in our perceptions we can flow with life and be open to the unlimited possibilities available to us.

selfgrowth.com

Threads of Heart, Energy and Will

 

by Joseph Naft -

We weave the tapestry of our path with threads of heart, energy and will. The way starts and ends with heart.

The first stirrings of the spirit guide our heart toward the path. Without this call we would never begin. Along the way, the closer we approach the Source of all, the more our heart opens.

Our commitment and determination to practice grow, coupled with new found reservoirs of kindness, compassion and love. But our heart's range extends from the most banal and self-centered desires to the most sublime and hidden depths.

Whenever we wish to assess our progress on the path, we need look no further than the state of our heart.

The inner substance of the path, the field of our practice consists of energies. 

Energies drive our inner life and form the various levels of our soul, yet we typically remain unaware of them.

An astonishingly wide range of inner and spiritual energies nourish and condition our life and our practice, from the automatic energy that enables us to function in a pre-programmed way with minimal awareness, all the way up to the transcendent energy of the Divine.

One of the great adventures of the spiritual path consists of gradually discovering the profound subtleties of the energies within us.

Any endeavor first requires contact with the necessary materials. A major challenge of the energies, the substances that form our inner world, lies in their disparate natures and our inability to see or recognize them.

We work most effectively with those energies that we can actually perceive. Step-by-step, the path refines our perceptions, so that we can recognize more of the energies and learn to use them.

As our contact with energies grows, we notice variations in the amount of particular energies present.

We start to see that some of our inner and outer activities waste our energies. In response, we pursue efforts to plug the holes in our bucket, to conserve our energies for more important uses, such as deepening our awareness or building our soul.

Unnecessary muscular tensions, for example, needlessly waste our energy. Relaxation of those tensions conserves the energy.

Awareness of an energy and actions to conserve it show us that more energy enables more inner work, enriching our inner life. Understanding this, we fervently seek to increase the quantity of energy available and to concentrate it within ourselves.

We learn and practice methods like energy breathing to draw in energy directly from outside ourselves, augmenting the energy our bodies ordinarily produce.

The extra energy, however, disperses from us just as readily. To assimilate those energies into our growing soul, we practice methods to allow the energies to settle in us, to merge with our own substance.

One such method of energy absorption is deep relaxation. The new energies assimilated gradually accumulate in the reservoir of our being.

A pool of a particular energy provides a base which helps us attract the next higher quality of energy.

Our work with the lower energy prepares our perceptions for the further refinements required for contact with the higher energy.

Our endeavor to deepen the quality of energy that we can perceive starts another cycle of energy work, but at a new level.

These cycles of practice bring a variety of energies to our being. Certain interactions among the different levels of energies produce new energies in a process of transformation. Most meditation practices lead to such energy transformations.

But this emphasis on energies raises a whole series of questions: what holds these energies together, what draws them in, what brings them to assimilation, what enables their transformation, what contains them, and what tools work in the medium of energies?

The one answer to all these questions is will, the core of who we really are. The timeless realms of energy and will closely interact at all the levels.

The whole work on energies hinges on will, on choice, intention and attention. But will, in turn needs energies to make its acts effective.

Will can operate with any of the energies, but works quite differently depending on the level of energy available to it. The direct understanding of will as that central factor in us which intends, chooses, decides, attends, and acts, proves crucial to our inner work.[1]

Will is essential to spiritual transformation. 

Like energies, 'will' belongs to a realm outside of time and space. So our limited perceptions condition the process of working with will. However, with will the problem deepens even further. 

Energies can be perceived, whereas will can never be seen or perceived. Will is always the one who sees, the one who perceives, the one who does. This most subjective element in us cannot readily turn back to perceive itself. In a profound sense, we are our will.

Despite its absolute subjectivity, we can experience will as who we are. We can be our will. Thus, contact with will comes through being it, whether an affirming will, as in directed attention, or an open, accepting will as in non-directed meditation.

We can be will in action in the choices we make, in everything we do.

Will participates in all our experiences as the one in us who is having the experience, who is making our choices or non-choices.

All spiritual practices from every tradition concern will as their key but sometimes hidden factor. The more we intentionally work with aspects of will, the more our recognition and contact with it grows.

Early on we notice the fragmented state of our will. A multitude of conflicting urges, desires, dreams, fears, and habits coexist uneasily in us.

We rarely act from the whole of ourselves. Our inner life suffers from chaotic disarray. This state of affairs results from the fact that our activities run in a pre-programmed mode with the automatic energy.

We operate on autopilot, reacting in a conditioned manner to the situations and events of our life. Our inner automatism, our conditioning and programming dominate us. All this constrains our will into working almost exclusively through the automatic energy with its inherent fragmentation.

Through our spiritual practice, we initiate a process of defragmenting our will. 

As we gain access to higher levels of energies, the isolated pieces of our will start coalescing into greater wholeness, less fragmentation. We become more fully ourselves, more unique.

Despite this reconstruction, we soon discover that nearly all that drives us arises solely from our self-centered agendas and attachments.

We call this false center of the universe ego, the great usurper. Our growing dismay with this thief in our midst starts a process of deconstruction and purification.

With the help of the higher energies, we gradually release the multifarious grip of self-centeredness. 

We become more open to the magnificent world of which we individually form a small but significant part – a significance precisely due to our special potential for will to act consciously through us

As the purification of our will, intentions and motivations proceeds on the periphery, the egoistic core at our center stands immune, slipping through unscathed. The day comes, however, when the only way forward is for us, for our ego to give way, to surrender, to empty ourselves utterly. 

Through the stages of this surrender, the Divine Will finds a home in us, as our will rejoins It, opening the door for Love.

In this process of liberating our will, we seek a strong, affirming will in ourselves and a tenderhearted will open toward the Divine.

Our strong, affirming will in this lower realm then transforms into a substantial instrument for the higher. Liberation, whether partial or full, enables the person to serve more deeply, more effectively.

Every spiritual tradition, every spiritual practice and every person on a spiritual path plays a role in the universal processes of the transformation of energies and the liberation of will.

In contemplating the context of our life journey, we may catch a glimpse of the awe-inspiring evolution and spiritualization of life on the Earth.

The challenge of participating in that evolution manifests in our own inner work as the disordering influence of much of life, making spiritual practice like swimming upstream against the currents of time that draw us into our lower potentials, our pre-programmed, reactive modes of living. 

Our nascent soul constitutes the inner frontier in which the upstream and downstream forces interact.

Pursuing the path to liberate our will and open to the Divine, we participate on our own small scale in the prodigious process whereby the Divine Will extends into the material universe, including our human community. 

All this touches our hearts intimately because the greatest force for spiritualization is Love.

[1] Bennett, J.G., The Dramatic Universe Vol. 2 (London: Hodder and Stoughton, 1961), 74-76

See Also: Modes of Will

innerfrontier.org

De-Conditioning the Ego

by Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee -

On the spiritual path one of the first processes you go through is a de-conditioning. In order to be awakened to your divine nature, you have to become free of the conditioning of the ego.

Unless you become de-conditioned, you’re going to find it very difficult to embrace the bigger spectrum of the Self or how to live according to its very different quality of consciousness. 

Once you’ve had a glimpse of your divine nature the idea of being competitive doesn’t function anymore. Instead you want to be supportive of other people. You want to be cooperative. 

It’s not because you’re a better person. It’s because you realize that’s how things are, how they are all one and interconnected—how nothing is separate. 

You awaken to a different way of being.

On the spiritual path one of the first processes you go through is a de-conditioning. In order to be awakened to your divine nature, you have to become free of the conditioning of the ego. 

Unless you become de-conditioned, you’re going to find it very difficult to embrace the bigger spectrum of the Self or how to live according to its very different quality of consciousness.

We’re surrounded by collective values that say you should be thinking of yourself, that what matters is the ego, how much money you can make or how many possessions you can have. 

On the spiritual path you learn how to live with less not because it’s better but because it’s easier—just to have what you need. 

People do not realize how their attention is taken up by their possessions, how it gives them less energy for life because everything you have or you accumulate carries a bit of your energy.

If you have a lot of possessions, then parts of your energy are caught in it all.

MacEnulty: I know. I recently moved to a smaller place. It was quite freeing to get rid of so much accumulated stuff.

Vaughan-Lee: You realize when you’re free of it, you have more space, you can breathe. 

They’ve now discovered scientifically that giving makes you happier than getting. 

These values you discover on the inner spiritual journey also belong to the whole. 

There is an ancient teaching of microcosm and macrocosm. What happens to the individual happens to the whole. 

We need to shift our consciousness from this very conditioned ego-centered “me” consciousness to an all-embracing “we” consciousness that includes not just humanity but the whole ecosystem — all the myriad living beings on the planet.

From the Interview with LLEWELLYN VAUGHAN -LEE; Get the E-book: HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN: An Interview 

workingwithoneness.org

Unmasking the Ego

by Gina Lake - 

The mind is useful in making distinctions between things, finding differences and evaluating them. The ego loves to use that mental capacity to compare things and people. 

It loves numbers because numbers seem to give it a clear way of knowing where it, others and other things stand—what or who is better. The ego loves the ten-scale for that reason and it’s always seeking to be a ten or have someone or something that is a ten. The ego is just as happy to bask in reflected glory.

The mind uses comparisons to make wise, practical decisions: 

It chooses an apple that isn’t bruised over a bruised one. However, the egoic mind compares people in the same way the mind compares things. 

Comparing an apple to another apple is one thing, but comparing a person to another person is like comparing an apple to an orange. Such comparisons aren’t useful. They are false. When we compare ourselves to others, we always suffer, whether we come out on top or not.

Making Comparisons

Making comparisons is one of the ego’s favorite ways of causing suffering. 

The ego looks for ways we fall short so that we feel we have a problem and then the ego offers a solution. In this way, the ego keeps us tied to thoughts about how to improve ourselves and our life. 

It keeps us very busy this way and involved with thoughts about ourselves. We are the ego’s project and it takes this self-improvement project very seriously.

Notice how often your egoic mind compares you with others. 

It does it immediately and automatically whenever it encounters someone. This is part of everyone’s programming. 

Once we realize that doing this is just our programming and that it only causes us suffering, we can more easily ignore this aspect of ourselves that loves to compare. 

It isn’t that difficult to ignore this programming. Comparing ourselves with others or comparing others with others is a habit that can be broken just by seeing how untrue and useless such comparisons are.

Nothing actually compares to something else because everything is unique. 

While there may be some usefulness in comparing an apple to another apple, there’s no usefulness in doing that with people. 

The ego pretends to be helpful by doing this with people but such comparisons only serve the ego, which is attempting to see itself as superior or find a way to get to the top. 

These attempts to be or just feel, superior leave us feeling bad. Feeling superior, especially by tearing others down is definitely not a route to happiness, although the ego believes it is.

Being In Essence

Feeling happy and good about ourselves comes from being in Essence, which is a state of unity with others and life not separation. 

We are happiest when we drop into the flow of life and respond naturally to it without the interference, judgments, confusion, comparisons, and complications of the egoic mind. 

The ego separates us from others and listening to it removes us from real life. The ego doesn’t know how to make us happy or even successful.

Giving power over to the ego is like giving the steering wheel to a child. 

The ego doesn’t know how to get us where we really want to go, even though it pretends to.

Comparing people is as ridiculous as the following conversation:

• “Apples are better than oranges because you don’t have to peel them.”
• “No, oranges are better than apples because they’re juicier.”
• “Apples are better than oranges because red is prettier than orange.”
• “Oranges are better than apples because they are already in sections for eating.”
• “Apples are better than oranges because they are crunchy.”
• “Oranges are better than apples because you don’t have to wash them.”

You get the picture. The trouble with comparing people, as with oranges and apples, is not only that comparisons are often subjective and reflect a personal preference (e.g. “Red is prettier than orange”), but also that concluding something or someone is better based on one feature is ridiculous. 

How can anyone take into account or even know all the qualities of another human being and who is to say one characteristic is better than another? 

The ego, of course, is what thinks this way, and it will look for something in others that will make us feel either less than or superior because that is its objective. That’s what its comparisons are really all about.

Gratitude

Once we have seen how faulty the ego’s thinking is and how false comparisons are, we can be done with that way of thinking and the suffering it causes ourselves and others. 

Oranges are wonderful, apples are wonderful, we are wonderful and so is everyone else. 

Let’s just leave it at that and enjoy whatever is in front of us. Why waste this precious moment on comparisons? What’s left is simply gratitude for the uniqueness of every little thing in life. What a miracle!

excerpt from Living in the Now,  audiobook 

radicalhappiness.com

Navigating Changes and Challenges

by Gina Lake -

Change feels like tossing a coin up in the air—you don't know which way it will land, good or bad for the ego?

The ego is deeply concerned it will turn out badly. The ego considers the worst case scenarios and fears the worst. It attaches a story to what's going on: "My life is going downhill."

Good and bad are concepts, not realities. 

In reality, everything that happens is a mixture of what we would consider good and bad. Everything has its advantages and disadvantages, its hidden blessings and hidden costs.

Even in every day, both what we like and don't like show up. Every moment has this same mixture of what we would consider good and bad.

If we stay in the moment in the midst of something that is changing that we don't like (e.g., a divorce, a move, unemployment, a health problem), we see that the actual experience of life in each moment is constantly shifting.

Even in the worst of times, our bad feelings come and go and we are capable of laughter, happiness, and certainly love.

The story we bring into this moment about our "problem" makes the moment seem more difficult and stressful than it actually is.

How challenging life is, is largely a matter of how much we are just in life without the story of our problem and how much we are not in real life but in our story. We carry our problems around with us mentally and bring them into the moment, spoiling it.

Our problems have no objective existence but exist only as an idea of a problem.

We define something as a problem and that creates the experience of having a problem.

No situation or circumstance is unmanageable but we make it so by thinking about our problem, complaining about it, trying to figure out what can't be figured out, feeling bad, being angry or afraid, worrying, rehashing the past and wishing things were different. 

These thoughts make whatever we're experiencing more challenging, much more than any particular situation actually is.

When a challenging time or situation is stripped of these thoughts, all that's left is what to do or not do in this moment about it or anything else.

Often what's required of us in a particular moment has nothing to do with our "problem." And yet, we may carry the idea of this problem into such ordinary and potentially pleasant moments.

I challenge you to stay depressed or unhappy constantly. It's impossible! Like a fist that is clenched too long, the contracted state must let go at a certain point. Eventually, we experience relief from it.

That relief usually comes as a result of putting our mind and attention on something other than our problem—getting lost in some experience we are having. Getting lost in what is real rather than what is unreal—our problem.

The trouble is our ego actually loves the idea of a problem and all the worries and plans that go with that problem. 

The ego is also what hates the problem, while at the same time it enjoys hating it! You can sense this when you notice the complete experience of your suffering. Within that suffering is enjoyment of suffering! That's the ego.

Suffering keeps the ego alive and gives it an identity: I am someone who is suffering. And I have a problem that needs a solution. A problem gives us not only an identity, but also something to do.

The ego defines something as a problem, generates unpleasant feelings around it, and seeks solutions. This problem-creation and seeking of solutions is how the ego is maintained. Without a "problem" and the suffering caused by that, there wouldn't be anything to think about.

Without thought, you would drop into Essence and be happy, and the ego would be out of a job. The ego has a racket going that keeps in power, and it doesn't want you to catch on to it.

The beauty is that change isn't like a coin that is tossed in the air; it just feels like that to the ego. Change isn't like a coin because a coin has only two sides—one considered good and one considered bad. From the standpoint of Essence, any change that is happening is just as it is meant to be. In other words, the flip of the coin always ends up in your favor.

That is actually the truth about life. It isn't like a coin for two reasons: It doesn't have two sides:

It is neither good nor bad but just what it is. 

It is always a mixture of what the ego would consider good and bad. Life is often like a coin tossed, however, in its unpredictability.

We just don't have to be afraid of how it will land.

Something very wise is behind every experience that feels like a coin toss. We may not be aware of it but we can trust that it will bring us the experience we need.

If we don't bring worries, fears, judgments, resistance, victimization, anger, confusion or other negativity to that experience, we will discover that it serves our growth and evolution toward becoming a more loving and wiser human being.

Life is wise and it is bringing us Home. 

Change and challenges are a natural and necessary part of life. When we trust and listen to the wisdom that we are instead of to the false self that we are not, we find that any change or challenge can be navigated gracefully and without too much suffering.

radicalhappiness.com

Overcoming Ego's Hold

by Dr. Wayne Dyer -

Here are seven suggestions to help you transcend ingrained ideas of self-importance. All of these are designed to help prevent you from falsely identifying with the self-important ego.

1. Stop being offended. 

The behavior of others isn't a reason to be immobilized. That which offends you only weakens you. If you're looking for occasions to be offended, you'll find them at every turn.

This is your ego at work convincing you that the world shouldn't be the way it is. But you can become an appreciator of life and match up with the universal Spirit of Creation.

You can't reach the power of intention by being offended. By all means, act to eradicate the horrors of the world, which emanate from massive ego identification, but stay in peace.

As A Course in Miracles reminds us: Peace is of God, you who are part of God are not at home except in his peace. Being is of God, you who are part of God are not at home except in his peace. Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place and leads to attack, counterattack, and war.

2. Let go of your need to win. 

Ego loves to divide us up into winners and losers. The pursuit of winning is a surefire means to avoid conscious contact with intention. Why? Because ultimately, winning is impossible all of the time. Someone out there will be faster, luckier, younger, stronger, and smarter-and back you'll go to feeling worthless and insignificant.

You're not your winnings or your victories. You may enjoy competing, and have fun in a world where winning is everything, but you don't have to be there in your thoughts. There are no losers in a world where we all share the same energy source.

All you can say on a given day is that you performed at a certain level in comparison to the levels of others on that day. But today is another day, with other competitors and new circumstances to consider.

You're still the infinite presence in a body that's another day (or decade) older. Let go of needing to win by not agreeing that the opposite of winning is losing. That's ego's fear.

If your body isn't performing in a winning fashion on this day, it simply doesn't matter when you aren't identifying exclusively with your ego. Be the observer, noticing and enjoying it all without needing to win a trophy.

Be at peace, and match up with the energy of intention. And ironically, although you'll hardly notice it, more of those victories will show up in your life as you pursue them less.

3. Let go of your need to be right. 

Ego is the source of a lot of conflict and dissension because it pushes you in the direction of making other people wrong. When you're hostile, you've disconnected from the power of intention. The creative Spirit is kind, loving, and receptive; and free of anger, resentment, or bitterness.

Letting go of your need to be right in your discussions and relationships is like saying to ego, I'm not a slave to you. I want to embrace kindness, and I reject your need to be right. In fact, I'm going to offer this person a chance to feel better by saying that she's right, and thank her for pointing me in the direction of truth.

When you let go of the need to be right, you're able to strengthen your connection to the power of intention. But keep in mind that ego is a determined combatant.

I've seen people end otherwise beautiful relationships by sticking to their need to be right. I urge you to let go of this ego-driven need to be right by stopping yourself in the middle of an argument and asking yourself, Do I want to be right or be happy?

When you choose the happy, loving, spiritual mood, your connection to intention is strengthened. These moments ultimately expand your new connection to the power of intention. The universal Source will begin to collaborate with you in creating the life you were intended to live.

4. Let go of your need to be superior. 

True nobility isn't about being better than someone else. It's about being better than you used to be. Stay focused on your growth, with a constant awareness that no one on this planet is any better than anyone else.

We all emanate from the same creative life force. We all have a mission to realize our intended essence; all that we need to fulfill our destiny is available to us. None of this is possible when you see yourself as superior to others.

It's an old saw, but nonetheless true: we are all equal in the eyes of God. Let go of your need to feel superior by seeing the unfolding of God in everyone. Don't assess others on the basis of their appearance, achievements, possessions, and other indices of ego.

When you project feelings of superiority that's what you get back, leading to resentments and ultimately hostile feelings. These feelings become the vehicle that takes you farther away from intention. A Course in Miracles addresses this need to be special and superior:

Specialness always makes comparisons. It is established by a lack seen in another, and maintained by searching for, and keeping clear in sight, all lacks it can perceive.

5. Let go of your need to have more. 

The mantra of ego is more. It's never satisfied. No matter how much you achieve or acquire, your ego will insist that it isn't enough. You'll find yourself in a perpetual state of striving, and eliminate the possibility of ever arriving.

Yet in reality you've already arrived, and how you choose to use this present moment of your life is your choice. Ironically, when you stop needing more, more of what you desire seems to arrive in your life.

Since you're detached from the need for it, you find it easier to pass it along to others, because you realize how little you need in order to be satisfied and at peace.

The universal Source is content with itself, constantly expanding and creating new life, never trying to hold on to its creations for its own selfish means. It creates and lets go. As you let go of ego's need to have more, you unify with that Source.

You create, attract to yourself, and let it go, never demanding that more come your way. As an appreciator of all that shows up, you learn the powerful lesson St.Francis of Assisi taught:"…it is in giving that we receive." 

By allowing abundance to flow to and through you, you match up with your Source and guarantee that this energy will continue to flow.

6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements. 

This may be a difficult concept if you think you are your achievements. God writes all the music, God sings all the songs, God builds all the buildings, God is the source of all your achievements.

I can hear your ego loudly protesting. Nevertheless, stay tuned to this idea. All emanates from Source! You and that Source are one! You're not this body and its accomplishments. You are the observer.

Notice it all; and be grateful for the abilities you've accumulated. But give all the credit to the power of intention, which brought you into existence and which you're a materialized part of.

The less you need to take credit for your achievements and the more connected you stay to the seven faces of intention, the more you're free to achieve, and the more will show up for you. It's when you attach yourself to those achievements and believe that you alone are doing all of those things that you leave the peace and the gratitude of your Source.

7. Let go of your reputation. 

Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. If you speak to 30 people, you will have 30 reputations.

Connecting to intention means listening to your heart and conducting yourself based on what your inner voice tells you is your purpose here. If you're overly concerned with how you're going to be perceived by everyone, then you've disconnected yourself from intention and allowed the opinions of others to guide you.

This is your ego at work. It's an illusion that stands between you and the power of intention.

There's nothing you can't do, unless you disconnect from the power source and become convinced that your purpose is to prove to others how masterful and superior you are and spend your energy attempting to win a giant reputation among other egos.

Do what you do because your inner voice always connected to and grateful to your Source-so directs you. Stay on purpose, detach from outcome, and take responsibility for what does reside in you: your character. Leave your reputation for others to debate; it has nothing to do with you. What You Think of Me Is None of My Business!

excerpt from 'There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem'

drwaynedyer.com