In a Commitment Conflict?

by Suzanne Devereux - 

Maybe you’ve declared to yourself that things are going to change, that you’re finally going to drop the old baggage and move forward in a particular area of your life.

You set intentions, you think positive thoughts, you write in your journal every night. But nothing’s changing. Why?

You might be in a Commitment Conflict. 

You say you’re committed to making a change, but you’re committed to the status quo. The way things have always been is safer, it’s known, you may not like it but at least you know how to deal with it.

 The changes you’re seeking are scary, unknown… what if you get in over your head? What if things don’t work out the way you want, how will you handle it?

What if the change you’re seeking is worse than the scenario you’re living with now?

Let’s take a common scenario: relationships. 

Let’s say that you’ve done some inner work on yourself, cleared up some past issues, and have declared that now is the time to meet Mr. or Ms. Right and create a loving, committed union.

You journal about it, you meditate on it, you have post-it notes stuck on all your mirrors proclaiming your new intentions. But inside your head, every once in a while, you say to yourself, “I’ve tried this before, it never works out. The perfect relationship doesn’t exist.”

You now have two commitments battling each other: The commitment to create a fantastic relationship, and the commitment to prove that such a relationship doesn’t exist.

It’s said that humans would often rather be right than be happy. If you make efforts to create a new relationship, but it doesn’t work out, you’ve proven to yourself that, once again, you were right. In this case, you’re more committed to the belief that fantastic relationships aren’t possible for you.

So to be more committed to the change you seek than to the status quo:

1. Watch your thoughts! When a thought that sounds anything like your old, limiting belief surfaces, deal with it right then and there.

2. Be ready with Replacement Thoughts. Write your new, empowering beliefs on, yes, post-it notes and notecards; have these reminders around you and use them. 

They are there to replace the old thoughts whenever they surface. 

3. Take steps towards the change you want to make. Brainstorm ways in which, in the example used, you can prove to yourself that fantastic relationships exist and that you’re next in line for one. 

Search out validation that your new ideas are true. Make your new ideas true. 

4. Make constant, steady movement towards that which you want, and leave the rest behind. Our daily lives are made up of a series of decisions made moment by moment. 

Pause and consider even the tiniest decision you’re about to make; could one of the choices support you in the change you’re seeking to make? 

Be committed to making those changes. You may just turn out to be right.

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