by Jane Straus -
We tend to try to make up for our past “mistakes” by avoiding people who look or sound similar to our exes. Instead of opening up, we work hard at weeding out.
For example, if you were hurt in a relationship with someone who was controlling in nature, you may think that the solution is to find a new person who is passive. If someone was a “taker,” you may try to home in on “givers.”
Discernment, learning from experience and having criteria are certainly part of the cure but if we don’t address our past resentment and the underlying fear, we will find ourselves in Groundhog Day.*
Because our spirits will not let us avoid whatever our lessons are.
Have you ever said, “I thought s/he was so different from my ex, but s/he turned out to be just the same.”
Of course! Our spirits wouldn’t have it any other way even if our minds would. We will attract the same issue in different disguises to give our spirits another opportunity to heal.
Therefore instead of thinking of dating or love as a game of “dodge ball,” we can examine what our part was in the past that made us unhappy and resentful.
- Did you mute yourself instead of speaking up?
- Did you allow someone to undermine your confidence?
- Did you let yourself be manipulated?
Give yourself compassion and forgive yourself for anything you did that was damaging to your spirit. You now have the power to choose not only the type of person you wish to be with but also the type of person you wish to become.
*Reference is to the film 'GroundHog Day' with Bill Murray. In my book, Enough Is Enough!, I talk about the movie or what I call “enlightenment wrapped in the guise of a comedy.”