Healthy Relationship Basics

by Dhyan Giten -

All people seek love, joy and harmony in their own way. 

We all want to be loved for who we are. We all want to be acknowledged and accepted for the unique individual we are. 

The problem in relationships arises when we seek our own center, our own source of love, in another person. We seek a source of love outside of ourselves. 

The problem in relationships is that the other person also seeks after his own center, his own source of love, in the other person. In this way both persons will sooner or later feel disappointed and cheated, because of their expectation on the other person. 

Love is not an exclusive relationship, love is a quality and depth of being. Our outer relationships are a mirror of our basic inner relationship with ourselves. Relationships are a balance, a development and a dance between our male and female qualities.

Let Go of Expectation

It is first when we let go of the idea and expectation that the other person will give us the love that we do not have inside ourselves, that the base for a really loving, satisfying and meaningful relationship is possible. 

It is first when the relationship becomes a giving of love, instead of a taking of love, that the relationship becomes really nourishing and satisfying. As long as we look for the source of love outside of ourselves, we will eventually become disappointed and disillusioned.

It is first when we discover the source of love within ourselves, which is our true nature, that we can become really happy and satisfied.

It is first when we can relate from our inner being, from our inner center, from our inner source of love and truth, that relationships becomes really loving, creative and satisfying. It is first when we discover the source of love within ourselves, which is our true nature, that we can become really happy and satisfied.

As long as we need another person to cover up our inner feeling of emptiness, to cover up our inner darkness and loneliness, the relationship will sooner or later end up in disappointment frustration and disillusioned expectations. 

Authentic Relating

It is first when we no longer need the other person to fill our inner emptiness, that we consciously can relate from our inner being, from the authentic self, from our overflowing inner source of love. 

When relationships are based on the expectation that a partner should fill our inner emptiness, it is like offering an empty cup to our partner with the expectation that the partner should fill our empty cup – instead of overflowing from our inner being and filling our cup from within ourselves. 

The difference between acting out of our inner being, from our inner source of love, and acting out of our inner emptiness, is like the difference between acting out of light and darkness.

I have noticed how much of my professional life – as a therapist and a course leader – that has been a way to fill my own inner emptiness and a way to receive love, acknowledgement and acceptance. 

I notice what a difference it is to be in contact with another person from a desire to get love from the other person or to be in contact with another person without any desire to receive anything from the other person. 

When I can rest in my own inner source of love, it creates a joy and a relaxation in me. It also gives me the freedom to give others the space to be who they are in the moment.

I have also learnt not to act when I am not in the light. 

I have learnt to wait to act until I am in the light again. I have noticed that when I can be in contact with myself – instead of reacting automatically and searching love outside of myself – I can witness my own inner feeling of emptiness, my own need of love from without myself. 

This awareness changes my need to look for love outside of myself and it makes my own inner source of love begin to flow from within myself. 

It is awareness and acceptance that allows me to be with myself and witness my own feeling of wanting love from without myself. It is like being with this feeling and embrace it like a mother embraces her child. This awareness and acceptance makes me come back to my own center, instead of seeking source of love from without myself. 

I also notice that the more I can accept both when am in the light and when I am in the dark, the more this awareness and acceptance makes more light than dark moments arise.

Hold On or Let Go?

A key to relationships is to know the difference between when it is time to hold on and when it is time to let go. The criteria are the degree of joy and satisfaction that the relationship creates.

Expectations are the basic problem in relationships. 

Expectations are ideas of  I should be, how my partner should be and how the relationship should be. When the relationship does not fit with our preconceived ideas and expectations, we become disappointed. 

When I told a beautiful woman who I had a relationship with that I loved her for the first time, she did not answer back that she also love me. Instead she was silent for a long time and then she said: “You are courageous to say that!” 

Her own truth was that she was not ripe at that moment to say that she also loved me. At that moment she was not ripe to take the commitment that it means to say to another human being that “I love you.” I had no expectation that she should say that she also love me. 

For me it was a giving without expecting anything in return. For me it was a way to overflow from my inner source of love and truth. Instead of asking if she loves me, it is simply more creative to ask myself if I love her. It is a sharing of my love – and then it is up to the other person what he or she wants to do with it. He or she does not have to do anything with it either.

Love and Freedom

What is the difference between the love pole and the freedom pole in relationships? 

Relationships are a balance between love and freedom, where often one partner chooses the freedom pole and the other partner chooses the love pole. 

The freedom pole means that the partner chooses his own freedom, independence and individuality before the relationship. The love pole means that the partner chooses love, to be together and the relationship. It is like the image that one partner is always trying to run away from the relationship, while the other partner is running after. 

Earlier I have almost always chosen the freedom pole in relationships, but in one of my latest relationships I found myself in the love pole as she continuously chose her own freedom and independence before the relationship. It did not bother me as I loved her and it was also a valuable meditation for me. 

I could also see that if the relationship should be alive and develop, both partners need to have a basic commitment to the relationship. Both partners need to have a love for each other so that these two poles does not become a mechanical way of reacting.

Love and Truth

If there are love and truth in the relationship, life will sustain the relationship by itself. If there are not love and truth in the relationship, it will change.

Through learning to both be alone with ourselves and to relate in love with other people, we can easier appreciate and accept when life offers us periods of both love and aloneness. It also makes it easier to see when it is authentic to be alone with ourselves and when it is authentic to relate to other people.

Some people cling to relationships to avoid meeting their own aloneness. 

Other people chose aloneness so that they do not have to relate with other people and risk being hurt or betrayed. 

Through learning to both be alone with ourselves and to relate with other people, it gives us a new freedom to relate to life. 

It gives us a new joy and freedom in both being happy and satisfied in our own aloneness and in relating with people in joy, acceptance, trust, friendship, humor, playfulness, understanding, compassion, silence, sincerity, freedom and a sense of oneness in love.

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Pure Love Healing

by Dhyan Giten -

Within each one of us there is a healer. Healing has always been a way and a deep source of healing for me. Healing is basically our own energy, which overflows from our inner being, from the meditative quality within, from the inner silence and emptiness.

Healing is pure love in essence. Love is what creates healing. Love is the strongest force there is. The sheer presence of love is in itself healing. 

It is more the absence of love – than the presence of love – which creates problems. Healing is a quality, which we can freely share without any ownership. Healing is not something that we can claim as our own, healing is to be a medium, a channel, for the whole.

Healing is a medium through which we can develop our inner qualities of presence, love, joy, intuition, truth, silence, wisdom, creativity and inner wholeness. 

Healing comes originally from the silence within, where we are already in contact with the whole, with the divine. Healing is what makes us spread our inner wings of love and silence and soar high on the sky of consciousness and touch the stars. Healing is to be in service of God.

People who have a quality of heart and a sensitivity are naturally healing. With some people that we meet, we feel naturally uplifted and inspired. With other people that we meet, we become tired and heavy. With people, who can listen without judging and evaluating, it is easy to find the right words to share problems and difficulties. And with other people, it seems almost impossible to find the right words.

People, who have a healing presence and quality, can support our own inner source of love, truth and silence through their presence. These people also seem to have an intuitive sensitivity to say the right words, which lifts and inspires us. This is the people, whose presence can mirror the inner truth, which we already know deep within ourselves.

The human heart is a healer, which heals others and ourselves. 

It is the hearts quality of love, acceptance and compassion plus communication through words, which creates healing. Words which comes from the heart creates healing. A silent listening with a quality of presence and an accepting attitude creates space for healing to happen.

The gift of healing comes when we see the other person with love and compassion. 

It is the quality of heart, which creates the love and the genuine caring for the other person. When our words are carried by the quality of heart, you can say almost anything to the other person and he will still be able to be open and receptive. But if our words lack the quality of heart, it also becomes difficult for the other person to continue to be open and receptive. Even if a therapist is very skilful on a technical plane or have a clear clairvoyant ability and still lacks the natural roots in the soil of the heart, then his words will not touch the heart of the other person.

When I began to work with people almost 18 years ago, it was an insight for me that I really cared about the other person and that it was this love that was communicated beyond the words to the other person. One of my course participants – who is a teacher – described this very beautifully when he said that he was impressed by my intuition and by my way of conducting therapeutic work – or if he would rather call this giving insights into love. 

Love is what allows us to go beyond the surface of the other person and to touch his inner being, his inner essence. Without love, it is only possible to reach the personality of the other person, to reach the surface and periphery of the other person.

Meditation is the way to develop our natural healing abilities. 

Healing comes originally from our inner being, from the inner source of silence and wholeness. In the silence, we can let go of all our problems, frustrations, fears, anger and sorrow. Healing happens when we bring everything that we find inside ourselves out into the light. 

Healing is to embrace and accept everything that we find inside ourselves without judgement or evaluation. Healing happens when we discover an unconditional love and acceptance for ourselves as we are with both our light and dark sides.

A male meditator says that he made a deepgoing insight in a course about what healing is, which has guided him much in life. He says: "I did a course and had been feeling very good during the week before the course. The first two days of the course I still felt very good. But the third day of the course, I began to feel uncomfortable. 

The question why I suddenly felt uncomfortable arose in me. But instead of asking somebody else, I asked myself this question and the answer I got was: "To receive attention". "Well, was it so simple", I thought" and then I closed my eyes, went inside myself and gave myself attention. Through this I discovered that I could give myself healing. 

There were also many things that I suddenly understood through this about the question: "What is healing?" 

It became clear to me that healing is to give attention and that healing and giving attention is synonymous terms.

Healing is not only a specific method, healing is also to invite another person into our own inner light, to invite another person into our presence, love, joy, acceptance, humor, understanding, playfulness, meditation and silence. 

Healing can also be a loving word, an understanding glance, a present touch, a silent listening or simply joking with another person and making him or her happy. Humor is also one of the strongest healingpowers to see our situation and ourselves in a new and creative light.

When I did an education in healing in USA 1984, I was told that I had the capacity to become a crown chakra healer, a spiritual healer, to act as a channel and catalysator for spiritual energy from the 7th chakra through the heart. At that time I had no idea what a crown chakra healer really was and since than it has been a continuous process during the last 17 years to deepen and develop my understanding about what a crown chakra healer is. 

This process has resulted in a way of working I call "Synchronicity – Transmission of the Light", which uses healing and energy work from the Source on a formless level. 

With this way of working I have worked with groups up to 80 people. It is really a way of working, which goes around the ego and speaks directly to the heart. It allows a person to come in direct contact with his own inner being, with his own life source. With my intellect I still do not understand how this way of working functions. 

It is not a way of working, which can be understood on a method plane. It is a way of working, which relates directly to the heart and which can only be understood through insight and experience. One participant in Gothenburg described his experience of Synchronicity like thousand suns suddenly had been lit in his own consciousness. He says: "It was like an inner explosion, an expansion of my own consciousness – and I felt only love for the other people in the room".

The greatest teacher in healing is nature itself. 

To be out in the nature is like being surrounded and embraced by love. Trees are also very beautiful people, who have their own innate wisdom and who are already in oneness with Existence. 

The sky whispers it’s silent message that beyond everything, there is only one sky. A female meditator describes it like there is a basic meditative quality in nature. She says: "There is nothing in nature that questions each others existence like people do. 

Everything is allowed to exist and everything is allowed to be exactly as it is – and seasons come and goes. 

It is not strange that people love to be out in nature and experiences that they come in harmony with themselves, because there is nothing that tries to change them out in nature. There is a quality in the air, which can be called a meditative quality".

Healing is to be in the light of our own consciousness. 

Healing is an inner light, which exist as a natural radiance around a person. This inner light is in itself a healing force beyond words. This inner light disperses darkness like when you lit a candle in a dark room and the darkness disappears by itself. This inner light exudes a subtle influence just through its presence. The more the light in our own consciousness is lit, the more it creates a subtle effect in the world.

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Developing Your Intuition Exercises

by Dhyan Giten -

How can we develop a trust in ourselves, in our heart and in our intuition? How can we develop our intuition so that it becomes a source of love, truth and wisdom in therapeutic work?

How can we be in contact with the Whole through our intuition?

What is Intuition?

Intuition is our true inner voice, our constant available inner source of love, truth and wisdom and the silent voice of Existence within ourselves. Through our intuition, we are in contact with the Whole.

Intuition is the voice of the heart. Intuition is our inner teacher and guide. Intuition means to learn to listen to the silent whisperings of our heart.

Intuition is a 'yes' to life. 

Intuition is to develop a trust in life. Intuition is learning to listen to life. Intuition is to be in contact with the Whole. Intuition means to follow the whispers of the inner in a basic 'yes' to life. When we allow ourselves to follow the silent whisperings of intuition, the fragrance of love arises.

Through following our own heart, we also help others to follow their own heart. Through following our own truth, we also help others to follow their own truth. Intuition is the voice of our inner being. Intuition is the voice of Existence within ourselves. Through listening to the intuition, we are in contact with the Whole.

A result of following our intuition is a deep feeling of joy, a sense of meaning and an inner satisfaction. 

To follow the silent voice of intuition is to surrender to Existence. Intuition is already in contact with Existence, with that which is larger than ourselves. When we live in contact with Existence, life becomes immensely satisfying. Intuition is a trust that if we follow our heart, the Whole becomes enriched.

INTUITION EXERCISES

1: From intellect to intuition 

This is an exercise, which aims on learning to distinguish between intellect and intuition. Take as a continuous meditation to learn to distinguish between the intellect, between our ideas of how things should be, and intuition, our true inner voice, to learn to distinguish between the false and the real, between the true and the artificial.

2: Learning to distinguish between listening to the intuition and to be directed by outer forces 

This is an exercise that aims at learning to be aware when you allow yourselves to be directed by outer forces and when you allow yourself to listen to your intuition.

Be continuously aware in different situations between when you allow yourself to be directed by other people's ideas, opinions and expectations and when you allow yourself to be guided from within by listening to your own intuition, to your own true inner voice, to your own inner source of love, truth and wisdom, to Existence within yourself.

3: Invite guidance 

When you are in a cross road in life or in situations when you need guidance, take as a conscious exercise to ask you intuition a question and ask for guidance and clarity.

The answer may not come directly, but you will always receive an answer.

4: Make a painting of intuition 

This meditation aims at painting a picture in colour and form of your experience of intuition. If you do this meditation together with a partner, you can discuss your painting with your partner.

5: Listen to your heart 

To continuously be in contact with your heart and with your intuition, you can ask the following four questions in different situations for example when you have to make a choice or when you are going to take a new step:

• Will I love myself if I do this?
• Will I feel courageous?
• Is it beautiful for me?
• Can it be simplified in any way?

6: Intuition – taking creative decisions 

Intuition is about taking creative decisions. Take as an exercise to take a conscious decision during a whole day to allow your intuition, your inner source of love, trust and wisdom, to guide you through the day to take creative decisions.

7: Making a energy reading of a partners heart in the form of a flower 

This is an exercise in intuition and healing, where you sit facing a partner and make an energy reading of the partner’s heart in the form of a flower.

Begin this exercise by turning your attention within yourself and come in contact with you own heart. When you have come in contact with your own heart, begin to tune in with your partners heart and describe the partner’s heart in the form of a flower. Describe in words what kind of flower it is, the quality of the flower, the colour of the flower and the surroundings in which the flower grows.

Stay continuously in contact with your own heart during this exercise and be aware of how the contact from heart to heart plus the communication through words creates healing.

When you and your partner has read each others hearts, take a moment to share how it felt to have your heart read and how the communication from heart to heart crates healing.

8: Intuition-journal 

To become more aware about how your intuition is developing, take a decision to write an intuition-journal every evening during one month. When you wake up in the morning, remember that this is a new opportunity to develop your intuition.

Take a conscious decision in your heart that today you are going to be aware and to trust your intuition during all the activities of the day. Be continuously aware during the day about the difference between being in contact with yourself and your intuition and not being in contact with your intuition.

Be grateful in the evening for everything that has happened during the day, since both positive and negative experiences are teachers on the way to develop intuition.

Write an intuition-journal in the evening and write shortly during 10-15 minutes about when you managed and when you did not manage to trust your intuition during the day.

Do not judge and evaluate whether you managed or did not manage to trust your intuition, but let the intuition-journal be a way to simply be aware and develop your intuition.

9: Become friends with a tree 

On an unconscious level, trees are already in contact with Existence. With their roots deeply rooted in the earth and with their branches reaching towards the sky, trees have their own innate wisdom.

A meditation exercise you can do to develop your intuition is to become friends with a tree. Sit under the tree and ask the tree questions and listen within to your own intuition for the answers that you receive.

10: To see what the Whole wants 

This is an exercise to let go and to see what the Whole wants in a certain issue. When you have compared the pros and cons on a certain issue, then leave the issue to the intuition, to the inner source of love, truth and wisdom, to the voice of Existence within, and see what the Whole wants concerning this issue.

Sometimes Existence responds immediately and sometimes it takes some time before Existence is ready to respond. But you will always receive an answer in exactly the right time.

Sometimes I have struggled to get something to happen but it was first when I let go that it happened by itself. Sometimes things are not meant to happen either. It is a question of timing. It is a question of when the time is ripe. It is a question of trust to the Whole.


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