How to Trust in the Hardest Moments of Your Life

by Mike Iamele -

Trust. This is a hard one, huh? 

My whole life, I’ve been afraid to trust. I’ve been afraid to totally and completely let go of control. To just allow things to play out on their own course. I can’t do a trust fall without catching myself. And it pains me to not know what the future will hold.

I think that’s one of the hallmarks of a perfectionist—being afraid to trust. 

Being afraid to not have your hand on the steering wheel at all times. Because what if life leads you into a ditch? What if you veer off course? What if there is no destiny, and everything really doesn’t happen for a reason, and we’ve wasted our entire lives on trusting?

There’s so much uncertainty and we humans like certainty.

Right now, I’m putting in offers for condos—competing with many others for each. And we’ve already lost one place to a higher offer. I’m out there doing book signings and promoting my book. I’m launching a new mastermind and I truthfully have no idea where I’ll be six months from now.

Maybe in a new home. With a totally new business model and starting my next book or maybe with no home and a failed new offering and no book deal. Who knows?

The strangest part about it all is I trust. 

I trust that it will all work out one way or another because it has to and because I deserve it. 

Because the best things in my life have all happened when I let go of the fear and anxiety and stress—and just trusted.

Like when I got really sick, and I was scared for my life, I got better and found a new path in life.

Or when I had an accident at work—arguably the most embarrassing moment of my life, I cleaned myself up, and—with the help of colleagues—snuck out. 

Or when I fell in love with Garrett and wasn’t sure how it was going to work. It eventually worked out and brought me the greatest love of my life.

In all of the hardest moments of my life, I had no choice but to trust that this was happening for me, not to me. And that it was an opportunity to learn more about myself—about self-acceptance. Because that’s all success is. That’s all it ever is.

All it takes is a little trust.

Despite what we want to belief, we can’t control everything. 

The things we want most in this world are out of our control—that’s just how life works. Love, prosperity, fame, success. In some way, it’s all reliant on the outside world, other people, the rest of the Universe’s plans.

No matter how hard we push or strive or try, it might not happen or us. In fact, we might be closing ourselves off to the miracles that happen when we trust. 

Like how getting sick is a nightmare, except it might push you on a new path. Or falling in love with a straight friend doesn’t make any sense, until it opens your eyes to even more love and losing a condo seems devastating, until you fall in love with the next one.

One day you don’t just trust—you know—that the world will work out for you and you slowly release that grip. You surrender to whatever’s happening for you—no matter how miserable it seems. 

You’re okay not seeing the road totally laid out before you because you’re here—in this present moment. Doing the best you can. 

Living it the most successful way you possibly know how and you hope that’s enough for the future you want. No, you know that’s enough for the future you want.

Because you’re enough. You’re enough already to have the life you’ve always dreamed of. All you have to do is trust that it’s true.

bostonwellnesscoach.com

What to Do When You Doubt Yourself

by Mike Iamele -

Doubt. It’s an interesting word. We all feel it. It creeps up into our minds. Any time we’re about to launch something. Any time we’re about to put something new out there to the world. Because we’re exposed. We’re naked. 

We’re opening ourselves up for the whole world to see. And we can’t quite be sure of the reaction. We can’t quite be sure if it’s any good at all.

For a lot of us, that uncertainty holds us back from ever putting anything out there. From ever going forward. The doubt that what we have to offer is worthy at all.

See, it all happens the same way. We’re excited. We have an idea. We want to create and share and do. And then the doubt sets in. It rarely starts there—it only comes after the excitement passes. And we begin to question it.  We question everything. 

• Can we do this? 
• Is this realistic? 
• Are we knowledgeable/smart/good enough? 
• Will anyone even like it?

It’s the point at which we realize the magnitude of what we’re doing. And every insecurity or limiting belief we’ve ever felt comes up. Because our mind wants to keep us safe. Our mind has never does this before. This is out of our comfort zone. And, if there’s one thing our mind likes, it’s comfort.

Throughout my entire life, I’ve had a lot of doubts. I’ve doubted that I’d be able to do most of what I’ve done. Like call a big-name reporter on the phone. Or be a boss. Or leave my job. Or start a new company. Or fall in love with a man. Or write a book. Or heal myself.

There wasn’t a moment in there where I didn’t doubt myself. But the thing that’s always helped me the most is deadlines. In fact, it’s the only thing I’ve ever found to overcome doubt. 

Whenever I’m excited—whenever I’m still in that passionate stage, knowing this is something I want to do—I set a deadline. And I find that, more often than not, we all stick to the deadlines we set.

Right before I turned in my book manuscript, I wanted to do something radical. So I booked a skydiving trip. It was months away, and it hardly felt real to me. But I was excited, and I knew I wouldn’t back out on the day it came. So I did it.

I gave a year’s notice to my PR job to give myself a deadline to get my affairs in order and start a new business. I didn’t know what or how or why. But I knew that I’d figure it all out over the course of the year. Because I had a deadline.

Garrett and I set a deadline on when we were going to decide if this relationship was real or even possible to happen—we gave ourselves a year and a half to sort out the relationship and figure out if we could make it work before we told anyone. But we had a hard deadline to figure it out—and we made it work.

I wasn’t any less scared. I wasn’t any more knowledgeable. But I knew I had to figure it out by a certain time. And I’ve found that people tend to make it work when they have to. That’s life. We swear we can’t do something. Then we get thrown into a situation, and we have no choice but to figure it out. And we always realize that we’re way more capable than we ever imagined. Because we gave ourselves a deadline.

Doubt is natural. Doubt will happen. Maybe every day. At least it still does to me.

But every single time you go after your doubts and move forward anyway, you teach yourself that you are safe. That you can move forward. That you are good enough. And you’ve always got that in your back pocket.

Wherever you are, whatever’s happening to you this week, don’t let doubt hold you back. Feel it, acknowledge it, even thank it for trying to protect you. 

Then move forward anyway. 

Give yourself a deadline. Give yourself a chance to rise to the occasion. Show yourself that you are more than capable of doing exactly what you want with your life.

The little known secret of successful people is that they aren’t any less scared. They just do it anyway. And you’ve got to decide if you want to be successful or not. You deserve the life of your dreams.

bostonwellnesscoach.com