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Healing Your Buttons



by Dr. Doris Jeanette -

During the holidays you may be spending large amounts of time with family members. This can be very stressful, causing you to experience increased anxiety and reactive behaviors. As learning would have it, your family members push your buttons more than anyone else. After all, they are the ones who installed "The Buttons."

So when you spent more time with your family over the holidays there can be uncomfortable moments when Mother so sweetly says to you, "Gained weight?" Or Dad asks at the dinner table, "When are you going to give us grandkids?"

Or your sister gets all huffy and puffy and quips, "Who put this on the counter?" Maybe there is frequently conflict and arguing which makes your stomach flip and your heart race. Perhaps you are resigned to just inhibit yourself and consider it your "good boy" duty to be passive when you are with your family. Or maybe you eat too much or drink too much. Or maybe you dread the thought of spending large amounts of time with those who push your buttons.

Fear not. You can have a stress free holiday with a moderate heaping of personal growth. You can prepare yourself by mapping out different ways to de-condition your knee jerk reactions over the holidays.

Here is a healthy holiday stress relief tip to get you started: When your buttons go on red alert say, "Thank you." Instead of being offended, you can be grateful to the person who pushed your buttons.

Think of it as a step toward empowerment to become more aware of your sore spot. For this is what your button is-- a reminder that you need to improve your emotional health. Your sore spot needs to be healed. Reassure yourself that you will heal this emotional wound so that no one ever has the power to push your button again.

The best way to start healing your buttons is to improve your self esteem. The good news is that low self esteem is not caused by any inherent quality you may have or not have! So take a deep breath and feel better. Self esteem is learned and you can unlearn anything that you learned that is not healthy for you.

My holistic psychology approach does not involve a lot of talking or thinking. Instead you learn how to feel different realities so you can feel, sense, read, know the truth about yourself. Good self esteem is when your sense of self is based on reality. This means you know your strengths and weakness and stand proudly in your body with your heart open and your two feet on solid ground.

Here is something you can do right now to move toward better self esteem: Begin to notice the difference in the energy in your body when you are in your learned, ego state which will always result in low self esteem and when you are in your natural, authentic self which will result in stronger self esteem.

Enjoy the process of finding, accepting and loving your real self. Your authentic self is the only self that can ever achieve solid, secure self esteem. Everything else is fake and will never be solid and secure. The learned, ego part of you is the one with the buttons!


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