Loving to Love

by Erika Morrell -


It is somewhat shocking to me, how many people desire a relationship because they are under the misconception and/or the illusion that a relationship will provide them everything they want and are missing. Guaranteed lifelong happiness, someone to Love them, monetary safety, fun, answers to life questions, the end of problems and conflict, the end of loneliness, someone to do everything they love to do with, are only some examples of what they are looking to get.

THE TRUTH IS SIMPLE, and quite honestly a little disheartening to many; It is not Love’s or a relationship’s job to provide you anything. 

So much of how we judge our relationship is done so by weighing what we get or how much fun we are having and the like. It is our own responsibility to provide ourselves everything that I mentioned, not the relationships’ or Love’s. Many people end up throwing Love away or not investing in relationships that at the core are everything they are looking for, but they fail to recognize it because they are not getting the thing on their list.

A surprisingly large amount of fear is experienced by people when I share that truth with them. There seems to be little to no understanding that we are all here to grow and learn. That growth and learning first takes place within us. Only if we are meant to have the experience be a shared one, will it be that way.

As I am sure that all of you have heard a million times, because it is true, you cannot give something to someone else that you do not already posses yourself first , nor can you create something in your life unless it is already possessed by you on some level already.

Those people “looking for Love” or a relationship are really looking to “get”, because they do not understand that It can be created by the Self, for the Self. One of the reasons that relationships don’t last is because of the “looking to get.” They often times don’t really understand what Love really is.

Love that is “looking to get” is filled with expectations. 

These expectations are usually not ones that we have for ourselves but for our partner’s behavior and the relationship. Expectation is really nothing more than manipulation in disguise. If we are expecting all the fantasies that we have about the relationship to be the reality of the relationship, all of our thoughts, actions, choices, view points, decisions will be made based on them, our behavior dictated by them. We will be setting up situations in order to manipulate the relationship to have what we picture it should be, instead of what it is. The truly tragic part of that is that what “is” the reality, often times exceeds any fantasies we can dream up.

All of these expectations are believed to be met magically, without communication. The idea that if he or she really Loved me or Loved me enough, this or that would take place, or be said or done is not the reality. Most people are not psychic and don’t read minds. Since everyone’s life story and history is different, so is how they express Love, and navigate a relationship.

When expectations are not magically met by our unknowing partner, chaos follows, for your partner- confusion. They are unclear why you reacted the way you did, why you are so unhappy, mad or whatever; and for you, plain old unhappiness and disappointment with the situation. From this point the relationship cannot live in the authentic and free. It needs to become conscious.

TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP CONSCIOUS, you must learn how to communicate. 

What your desires are should be shared and discussed, dreams shared. Let go of the egoic idea that your desires, or even needs for that matter, should or will be met magically. Stop looking at everything as “he loves me,” “she loves me not”. Testing, tricking, playing games and manipulating is ultimately not a sustainable relationship, nor is it one of integrity. If you cannot communicate in a compassionate, loving, light way what it is you need, you are not ready for a relationship. If you cannot manage not getting everything you want, you are not ready for a relationship. If the picture you have of the relationship is more important than the relationship, you are not ready to have one. If you are Loving to get, that simply is not Love!


To live in the energy of Love is to live in Love, appreciation, commitment, respect, trust, honor, faith, tenderness, vulnerability, understanding, equal partnership, gratitude and freedom.

Whatever story these energies choose to tell, and whatever pictures they choose to create- that is Love. When you can Love that truth, Love that process, that unfolding, when you can live in that moment to the next moment of that, then you are Loving to Love! Allow yourself to have that experience, fully conscious, moving beyond the fear into the freedom, only seeing where the Love does exist, then you are Loving to Love. It is the greatest gift you could ever give yourself, or anyone else, to be present in pure Love.

Beyond any fantasy or expectation, exceeding any picture, Loving to Love is ultimately the Love the Soul yearns for and desires. 

The one that we are driven to find but often times get lost along the way. Make a choice from this moment forward that you are willing to let go of the pictures and conditions your ego created, that you are willing to let go of the fear, manipulation and game playing, that ultimately Love is more important to you than what you think it looks like.

Make a choice that from now on you will only Love to Love!

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