by Gina Lake -
Judgments undermine our relationships with others.
They undermine our own happiness as well, since how happy are we when we are feeling judgmental? When we are judging or being judged, we feel contracted, tense, small, and petty.
If love and happiness are important to you, then eliminating judging is a good way to bring more love and happiness into your life and into your loved one's lives. It isn't as difficult as you might think to stop judging. The key is in seeing the truth about your judgments.
The biggest truth that needs to be seen is that judgments kill love, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly over time.
They do not serve anyone. They serve only the ego, whose goal is to be right and get what it wants.
To free yourself from judging, one of the most important things to recognize is that your judgments are not yours. What I mean by this is that judging is an automatic response to others and to life on the part of our ego; judging is not part of our true nature or necessary for our survival, but belongs to the ego, which is an archaic, conditioned and negative aspect of ourselves.
The ego is the aspect of ourselves that we know as the voice in our head.
It comments on life, tells us what to do, evaluates, judges, criticizes, strives, pushes, is never satisfied, and causes us to be fearful and experience other negative emotions.
We think of it as our own voice and who we are, since it is experienced as our own thoughts, but this voice is not our true voice nor a voice of wisdom.
True wisdom is experienced as a knowing, an insight, an intuition, or a big yes, not as judgmental thoughts or opinions about ourselves and others.
When we are involved with it and giving voice to it, we feel contracted and tense, which is the opposite of how we feel when we are following our Heart, aligned with our true nature, and sharing with others from there.
Since this voice in your head is not really your voice, but your conditioning, your programming and since it isn't a wise voice after all or one that leads to more love and happiness, it can be ignored and your life will go much better because there is something much wiser here that is guiding us and capable of expressing love, acceptance, and kindness toward others.
We seem to have two sides to ourselves—the good or nice "me" and the bad or mean "me."
The good news is that the unkind "me" is not you at all, but the false self, and the loving you is the real you.
Judgments belong to the ego and not the true self, which responds to life with acceptance, love, compassion, and wisdom.
You can express your true nature rather than the ego in every moment, but our true nature gets covered over by paying attention to the voice in our head and identifying ourselves as that rather than recognizing the beauty and love that is ever-present within us.
Judgments come from the ego and serve only the ego.
We tend to feel that our judgments are true and valuable but that is an illusion. They don't make life better or protect us from life, and they don't do anything but harm our relationships.
Judgments have never changed anyone, which is one of the things we are attempting to do when we judge someone, but only alienate others and bring out their own egos in retaliation.
We try to get our way in our relationships by judging others. We assume a superior position through judgment as a way of trying to get others to comply with what we want.
This is not a winning strategy for relationships. It causes people to withdraw their love, not comply with us or love us.
The antidote to judgment is accepting people the way they are and not imposing our desires, demands and expectations on them.
Our desires and expectations in regard to others are part of our conditioning.
When we try to impose our conditioning on others, we lose love. But when we accept others as they are, love flows and that can only be good for us and for our relationship.
We have the power to not let judgments, which are just thoughts, interfere with love by simply not giving voice to them.
Notice judgments as they show up in your mind, and then choose to put your attention on what you love about that person or on anything else but your negative thoughts or judgments.
We have the power to choose love and relationship over judgments once we see how very damaging and counterproductive our judgments are.