Tips To Beat Stress When Your Life Is A Mess

by Debbie Hampton -

When you find yourself caught up in the middle of the frenzy in need of a break, what can you do? 

We all know the usuals: take a walk, a nap, a deep breath or exercise but here are a few pointers you might not have heard yet.  

Some you can even do right on the spot without anyone knowing.

TIPS TO BEAT STRESS

1. Roll your eyes up.

Closing your eyes and looking up kick-starts your brain's production of alpha waves, which are present in a relaxed state of awareness like when you day dream. 

It's the movement of the eyes that causes your brain to make alpha waves, so a quick glance at the ceiling could do wonders for your stress level, just make sure you're not rolling those eyes at your mother.

2. Take a whiff of citrus.

Researchers studying depression have found that citrus fragrances boost feelings of well-being and alleviate stress by upping levels of norepinephrine, a mood-affecting hormone. 

You can use the real thing or essential oils in a diffuser or burner.

3. Hold the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth.

Doing this connects the two "master meridians" that in turn control all the rest. They both begin in your perineum and run up the front and back of your body. 

According to traditional Chinese medicine, meridians are the channels through which your life energy, called "qi" or "chi," flows.

Placing the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth completes the "microcosmic circuit" allowing energy to move freely throughout your body. (An added plus is that you can't talk and say something you might regret later while doing this.)

4. Squeeze between your thumb and forefinger.

The fleshy part of your hand between your index finger and thumb is called the hoku spot in traditional Chinese medicine. 

Applying firm pressure there for just 30 seconds can help reduce stress and tension in your body. So if you start to feel overwhelmed by holiday chaos, give your hand a squeeze and take a deep breath.

5. Spice it up.

Eating hot foods causes your brain to release endorphins, the natural neurochemicals that trigger feelings of euphoria and well-being.

6. Get busy with someone or by yourself.

In addition to boosting immunity, having sex can lower stress. Duo or solo, orgasms increase endorphins, your body's natural painkillers, and raise oxytocin levels, which promotes trust, relaxation and sound sleep.

7. Take a technology break.

Constant electronic buzzes and notifications give your brain bursts of adrenaline, keeping it on high alert. Not only is this exhausting, it also contributes to elevated stress levels. 

Turn your gadgets off and really be present in your current environment. Take the mindful stance of being an objective observer and you might even be able to see some humor in the madness.

8. Tap it out.

EFT is a brain/body/emotions reprogramming technique where you tap gently on different parts of the body with your fingertips while you repeat a phrase out loud and pay attention to your emotions. 

It's similar to acupuncture and acupressure in that it stimulates meridian points. Tapping is believed to increase the overall flow of chi by getting it unstuck from these points.

9. Eat a mango.

You might already know that mangoes are packed with vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. 

Did you know that mangoes also contain a lot of tryptophan, the precursor of the "happiness-hormone" serotonin and can help stabilize and elevate your mood? So eat up!

mindbodygreen.com

The Engine of Your Evolution

by  Dennis Merritt Jones -

Conscious Choice: 

"Man is made or unmade by himself. By the right choice he ascends. As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation." --James Allen

As a spiritual mentor, part of my job is to challenge the people I work with to consciously observe their BS (belief system) and challenge any current beliefs they hold that are keeping them stuck in a mental prison of their own making. 

The moment is quite interesting to witness when they discover that they, and they alone, hold the key that will set them free. 

The key, of course, is their ability to choose and then choose again if necessary. Awakening to the awareness that one can witness his or her own thinking, and then challenge the thoughts (and the beliefs that sponsor those thoughts) that are dis-empowering, nonproductive and self-deprecating, is the moment they step into a whole new way of being.

Recently, I upset a person I am mentoring when I challenged her to look at her belief system after she argued she “just couldn’t” do something I had suggested she might consider trying to fortify her spiritual growth. 

I encouraged her to begin to monitor her thinking and words, and each time she caught herself declaring, “I can’t,” to stop, challenge her belief, and then change the statement to “I won’t.” I explained to her that to say “I won’t” put her at choice, while to say, “I can’t” rendered her powerless.

This shift in thinking and words automatically moves us out of powerlessness and into a position of authentic power and choice. There are, no doubt many legitimate times when we may be unable to do something because we are not capable. 

As an example: I can’t fly a F18 fighter jet… I can’t give birth to a baby… I can’t lift 750 pounds over my head, and so on. However, too many of us rush to use the excuse “I can’t” because it is far easier than having to deal with the possible consequences of saying, “I won’t.” 

Notice how often we tend to sacrifice our authentic power and integrity just to gain or maintain the approval and acceptance of others. This is where we can choose to step into our truth. Consider in your own life how often you may use “I can’t” as a cop-out. 

Have you ever been asked by someone to do something or go somewhere you really did not want to do or go, and said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t,” perhaps even fabricating some excuse rather than honestly saying, “No thanks, I choose not to.”

Regardless of what your motivation may be for using the “I can’t” escape clause, I encourage you to be conscious of the power in your spoken word. The universe takes what you affirm about yourself very seriously — it conspires to support you in your deepest beliefs. 

You may end up more powerless than you would care to be. Think before you say I can’t because every choice you make moves you closer to or further away from your authentic power. It is also how we spiritually evolve with conscious intention. 

In his seminal book, The Seat of The Soul, Gary Zukav states: 

“Choice is the engine of our evolution … if you choose unconsciously, you will evolve unconsciously. If you choose consciously, you will evolve consciously.” 

Suffice it to say, choosing to evolve consciously is much better than unconsciously and most often far less painful.

Trust me… been there — done that.

As you begin to make conscious choices, your life shall follow the trajectory of those choices even as your shadow faithfully follows you wherever you go.

The power of choice is the greatest gift you have been given, second only to the gift of life itself. Use both of these gifts consciously. In so doing, you will be stepping into your authentic power. 

If you could use a little help, as a mindfulness practice consider doing this: Place a rubber band (not too tightly) around your wrist. Listen to your words and self-talk for the next few days. 

When you catch yourself saying, “I can’t” when, in actuality, you know in your heart you can, snap the rubber band. Then step into your power, making a choice to use words that reflect the awareness of a conscious evolving being. 

To say, I choose not to, rather than I can’t, brings an amazing amount of authentic power and freedom with it… AND as a happy result the welts on your wrist will begin to subside.

About Author: Dennis Merritt Jones has been involved in the human potential movement and the field of spirituality for the majority of his life as a teacher, author and keynote speaker. His most recent award winning book is “The Art of Uncertainty ~ How to Live in the Mystery of Life and Love It.” Jones is also the award winning author of “The Art of Being ~ 101 Ways to Practice Purpose in Your Life” and “How to Speak Science of Mind.” Dennis writes a free weekly MindfulPurpose E-Message available through his website, DennisMerrittJones.com and is a regular columnist for the Huffington Post.

dennismerrittjones.com

Finding Your Unique Purpose

by Edmund Bourne PhD -

The inability to find meaning in life usually reflects a degree of self-alienation. Such a condition results in a tendency to pursue satisfactions and stimulation on the outside rather than from within.

Materialistic goals, concern with appearances, and addictions may all be used to fill an inner emptiness which is often felt as an unsettled feeling or chronic anxiety. External solutions may work, but only temporarily—they provide a quick fix rather than a true healing.

To reestablish meaning in life is to rediscover your soul. An important step in this direction is to find your soul’s own innate and natural passion—which is what inspires your unique purpose.

This is not something you have to create. You came into the world with it, and it likely was evident when you were a child.

Unfortunately, education, socialization, and the trauma of entering adulthood may have obscured the natural gifts and talents you brought into the world to express.

If you’ve wandered too far away from your innermost wellspring of creativity, you’ve probably ended up, like many people, feeling too busy and rather alienated. Discovering your unique purpose will help overcome this self-alienation as well as contribute to something greater than yourself.

Discovering your unique purpose (or purposes) can restore meaning to your life—and an increased capacity to look to yourself rather than the outside for the spark of life itself.

DEFINING "LIFE PURPOSE"

If you search inside yourself, your life purpose is something you need to do in order to feel whole, complete, and fulfilled in your life.

It’s uniquely your own—something that can’t be duplicated. Only you can do it.

Your unique life purpose comes from within and has little or nothing to do with what your parents, partner or friends might want you to do.

It’s something that expresses a particular talent, gift, skill, or desire that you hold most dear. In fulfilling it, you discover your own unique way to be creative.

Generally, your life purpose is something that reaches beyond the limited needs and concerns of your own ego. It is "other-directed," having an impact on something or someone beyond just yourself.

Your life purpose might involve raising a child, contributing to your community, or teaching something you’ve learned from your personal experience. When you’re fulfilling your life purpose, your life takes on a new dimension of meaning beyond self-interest.

From a larger standpoint, your life purpose is an important activity or service your soul came into this world to accomplish. The metaphysical idea of "life purpose" appears in various religious traditions.

In Christianity it’s referred to as a "calling," while in Eastern religions it is often spoken of as your "personal dharma."

The assumption is that your life purpose, especially the gifts and talents on which it’s based, is Divinely appointed. In some lofty sense, it was decided on and perhaps even planned out before you were born.

You came into the world with your unique purpose as a potential. It’s your choice and free will that determines whether you fulfill your particular purpose, as well as how you go about doing it. Yet the potential itself remains latent in your soul. As long as your life is focused solely on personal gratification of bodily and ego needs, you may continue to feel something is incomplete or missing.

To the extent that you discover and begin to express your unique purpose(s), you are likely to feel a deep sense of rightness and direction in your life. To be aligned with your life purpose gives your life a positive direction—not to may result in a sense of drifting, or keeping busy to avoid feeling empty.

There is no longer as great a need to seek pleasure in outer material things, since you begin to feel an increasing inner satisfaction that you are "on course"—doing what you came here to do.

To align with your unique life purpose is an important step in healing yourself and becoming all you can be. In doing so, you begin to be more in touch with the creative forces and intelligence of fields of consciousness beyond yourself.

It’s important to realize that your life purpose may not necessarily be grand in scope. Size of impact is less important than quality. Your purpose may be about raising a family, contributing to a social or political cause, or sheltering injured or sick animals. Or, it might involve artistic pursuits, such as painting, playing an instrument, or writing poetry.

Perhaps volunteering your services for a youth group or teaching a Sunday school class might fulfill your life purpose.

Often your life purpose does not become clear until you’ve worked through some of your personality issues.

Resolving unfinished business with your parents, taking care of your financial and security needs, overcoming social fears and learning to be assertive may all be part of the "groundwork" that needs to be done before you can fully express your life purpose.

It’s difficult for your creativity to fully blossom until you’ve freed up sufficient energy within yourself from personality and interpersonal conflicts.

In fact, confronting and dealing with personality issues is also an important part of what you came here to do, along with expressing your unique purpose.

In an important sense, a major part of your life purpose is to do the inner psychological work necessary to handle your personal needs and achieve a sense of identity and self-worth. (That’s not to say that you can’t begin to express your unique mission while still dealing with your personality issues.)

DISCOVERING YOUR OWN LIFE PURPOSE

If you currently feel out of touch with your life purpose, how do you go about discovering what it is?

If you haven’t already, think about to what extent your current job is expressing what you would truly like to do with your life. Is there something you would rather be doing?

If so, what education or retraining would be required in order to transition to what you would like to do. If it doesn’t seem feasible right now—financially or otherwise—to make a fundamental career change, then reflect on what other interests spark your enthusiasm.

Is there a hobby, avocation, or volunteer opportunity you could do in your spare time that would add a dimension of meaning to your life? Something you’ve thought about for awhile but felt you never had the time to do.

Often discovering what truly fulfills your unique interest means that you have to jump in and try something out, without knowing ahead of time how it’s going to work out.

Ultimately, whatever it is that answers your personal call will contribute to someone or something larger than yourself, whether it is raising a family, entertaining people with your singing voice, creating a beautiful and eco-friendly garden, giving some of your time to soup kitchen for homeless people, or inventing a cost-effective solar panel.

If realizing your purpose involves making a career change, it might be helpful-- beyond simply reading about the new vocation-- to work with a career counselor.

Also you can ask people who are doing that type of work what it’s like. If it involves going back to school, you’ll want to talk to a guidance counselor at the school you’re considering. Perhaps reading books on the subject such as those of Carol Adrienne will be helpful.

GUIDELINES FOR REFLECTING ON YOUR LIFE PURPOSE

To assist you in thinking about what kinds of activities or career might fulfill your life purpose, consider the following guidelines:

Listen to what your heart tells you about what you would most love to do or be.  

Be sure to separate your unique goals and objectives from those of your parents, spouse, friends, or others. Only you can know what your true mission is.

Your life purpose may or may not be your actual vocation. It could be a hobby, pastime, or avocation.

Notice negative self-talk that puts down the dreams or inner fantasies that your heart offers up.

For example:

• "It’s impossible to do what I want and still make a living."
• "It’s too late to go back and get the training"
• "Nice idea but impractical."
• "They won’t approve."
• "But I don’t have the talent for it."
• "With so much to do, I don’t have the time."
• "It’s too much work—too difficult."
• "No one’s going to be interested, anyway."

(Resistance statements like these are often clues to showing you what your deepest purpose or "personal dream" actually might be!)

Keep in mind the famous maxim:

"God never gives us a vision without also giving us the capacity to make it come true."

Ask your own inner wisdom or Higher Power to help you discover and clarify what your life purpose might be. In your deepest self, you already know what your mission or purpose is.

Look for synchronicities. When you are moving toward your life purpose, amazing coincidences will often happen to give you confirmation that you’re on the right course.

Realize that fulfilling your life purpose may involve taking risks and giving up certain aspects of your life as you know it right now. Are you up to taking such risks? If not, think about ways you could get support for doing so.

VISUALIZE YOUR LIFE PURPOSE

After you have a good idea about the nature of your life purpose, write a scenario on a separate sheet of paper about what your life would look like if you were to fully realize this purpose (or purposes).

You can design separate visualizations for each purpose or incorporate the realization of all of your life purposes into a single description.

Be sure to make your scenario sufficiently detailed to include where you’re living and working, who you’re with, what activities make up your day, and how atypical day would look.

Once you’ve completed a detailed description, record it on tape, preferably in your own voice. You may want to record it after a few minutes of preliminary instructions to relax.

Visualizing the fulfillment of your life purpose on a regular, consistent basis will go a long way toward helping you to actually realize your goal.

globalshiftnow.com

Out of Work and Stressed Out?

by Erik Fisher, PhD -

For millions, being out of work one more day is an all too familiar situation. The jobs that people once had have been eliminated, bills are due, part-time jobs aren’t paying well, families need to eat and unemployment is running out.

For those who were the bread-winners, guilt, failure, hopelessness and stress can feel overwhelming. 

So how do you take care of yourself if you find yourself in this predicament?

Don’t Let Your Career Define You

Too many times we allow our job or lack thereof define our worth and value.

When we are out of work, we question who we are because we have placed our value in a dollar sign. 

When you feel this way, look around and see the other areas in your life where you add value – your kids, your spouse, your family…

See how you are important to people around you in more than just your job and what they love about you. If you don’t see those things, then see if there are ways that you can add meaning to the lives of others. 

Furthermore, if you are in a relationship where you feel that people are putting a price on your worth, look at the relationship, get some help with it if you can, and if it isn’t working, it may be time to re-evaluate.

It is easy to get into a place of feeling sorry for ourselves when we feel down and out. Sometimes our thought patterns can keep us stuck in this. If you are stuck in these thought patterns, check your thoughts and redirect them to more positive thoughts.

Just Keep Swimming

Do something positive every day to keep your mind and brain working.

People out of work sometimes have a hard time getting out of bed and that look at the Help-wanted section can be a dreadful reminder of your situation. 

Read, learn, do something to help look for work or advance your situation.

• Is it time to go back to school to get educated in something new? 
• What hobbies do you have that you can engage in? 
• If money is an issue, can you find a free hobby? 
• Volunteer your time if you can. 

Giving to others can feel empowering and you never know whom you will meet or what you will learn along the way. Worry and stress can become quicksand for many, so find a way to keep active.

Exercise Every Day

Exercise releases endorphins. These can help you feel better. This does not just mean to piddle around the weight room and do a few curls. This means do some work. You need to get your heart pumping. 

Running, weightlifting, aerobics, Pilates… whatever you may enjoy that can get you and/or keep you in shape – this is critical to your physical and emotional health.

Being in shape can also help in the interview process, as it can contribute to your sense of confidence, and appearance often matters in job interviews.

Sometimes We All Need a Hand

Sometimes people feel too “proud” to ask for help. Whether it is needing emotional support, part-time help, therapy… we live in a world of other people. Many people feel happy to help. Never think that you have to do everything on your own.

I put the quotes around “proud”, because that is what people call it. I call it arrogance. Pride is when we feel good about who we are. No matter what is going on around us, we can still feel proud of our efforts and who we are. 

Arrogance is a shield of false pride. It hides shame, guilt, inadequacy… When people can’t ask for help when they need it, it is often because they are hiding these emotions. Arrogance can bring down the people around you as well. You and your family can suffer.

Remember that you are not alone.

So many people are going through the same situation. I believe that there is always something to learn in every situation and that life happens for us not to us. 

If there is something more you can do, then take a hard look at yourself and do it. 

If you are doing your best, then feel proud of your efforts and keep going. 

Appreciate those around you and let that love in. It’s the most important ingredient.

About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E  is a licensed psychologist, author and contributing correspondent on The Better Show. Dr. E has also been featured NBC, CBS and FOX and is a regular expert on CNN. 

drepresents.com

momscape.com

Healthy Techniques for Dealing with Toxic People

by  Dr. Travis Bradberry -

Toxic people defy logic. 

Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons. Either way, they create unnecessary complexity, strife and worst of all stress.

Studies have long shown that stress can have a lasting, negative impact on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus—an important brain area responsible for reasoning and memory.

Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to neuronal dendrites (the small “arms” that brain cells use to communicate with each other), and months of stress can permanently destroy neurons. Stress is a formidable threat to your success—when stress gets out of control, your brain and your performance suffer.

Most sources of stress at work are easy to identify. If your non-profit is working to land a grant that your organization needs to function, you’re bound to feel stress and likely know how to manage it. It’s the unexpected sources of stress that take you by surprise and harm you the most.

Recent research from the Department of Biological and Clinical Psychology at Friedrich Schiller University in Germany found that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions—the same kind of exposure you get when dealing with toxic people—caused subjects’ brains to have a massive stress response.

Whether it’s negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome or just plain craziness, toxic people drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs.

The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. 

TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. One of their greatest gifts is the ability to neutralize toxic people. 

Top performers have well-honed coping strategies that they employ to keep toxic people at bay.

While I’ve run across numerous effective strategies that successful people employ when dealing with toxic people, what follows are twelve of the best. 

To deal with toxic people effectively, you need an approach that enables you, across the board, to control what you can and eliminate what you can’t. 

The important thing to remember is that you are in control of far more than you realize.

Healthy Techniques

for Dealing with Difficult People

• Set Limits (Especially with Complainers)

Complainers and negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. 

People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. 

You can avoid this only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if the complainer were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself and you should do the same with complainers. 

A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem. They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.

• Don’t Die in the Fight

Successful people know how important it is to live to fight another day, especially when your foe is a toxic individual. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. 

When you read and respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.

• Rise Above

Toxic people drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational. Make no mistake about it; their behavior truly goes against reason. So why do you allow yourself to respond to them emotionally and get sucked into the mix? 

The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their traps. Quit trying to beat them at their own game. 

Distance yourself from them emotionally and approach your interactions like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink, if you prefer the analogy). You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos—only the facts.

• Stay Aware of Their Emotions

Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening. 

Sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where you’ll need to regroup and choose the best way forward. This is fine and you shouldn’t be afraid to buy yourself some time to do so. 

Think of it this way—if a mentally unstable person approaches you on the street and tells you he’s John F. Kennedy, you’re unlikely to set him straight. 

When you find yourself with a coworker who is engaged in similarly derailed thinking, sometimes it’s best to just smile and nod. If you’re going to have to straighten them out, it’s better to give yourself some time to plan the best way to go about it.

• Establish Boundaries

This is the area where most people tend to sell themselves short. They feel like because they work or live with someone, they have no way to control the chaos. This couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Once you’ve found your way to Rise Above a person, you’ll begin to find their behavior more predictable and easier to understand. This will equip you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with them and when you don’t. 

For example, even if you work with someone closely on a project team, that doesn’t mean that you need to have the same level of one-on-one interaction with them that you have with other team members. 

You can establish a boundary, but you’ll have to do so consciously and proactively. If you let things happen naturally, you are bound to find yourself constantly embroiled in difficult conversations. 

If you set boundaries and decide when and where you’ll engage a difficult person, you can control much of the chaos. The only trick is to stick to your guns and keep boundaries in place when the person tries to encroach upon them, which they will.

• Don’t Let Anyone Limit Your Joy

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. 

When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. 

While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt.

That way, no matter what toxic people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

• Don’t Focus on Problems—Only Solutions

Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress. 

When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and reduces stress. 

When it comes to toxic people, fixating on how crazy and difficult they are gives them power over you. Quit thinking about how troubling your difficult person is, and focus instead on how you’re going to go about handling them. 

This makes you more effective by putting you in control, and it will reduce the amount of stress you experience when interacting with them.

• Don’t Forget

Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. 

Successful people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.

• Squash Negative Self-Talk

Sometimes you absorb the negativity of other people. There’s nothing wrong with feeling bad about how someone is treating you, but your self-talk (the thoughts you have about your feelings) can either intensify the negativity or help you move past it. 

Negative self-talk is unrealistic, unnecessary, and self-defeating. It sends you into a downward emotional spiral that is difficult to pull out of. You should avoid negative self-talk at all costs.

• Limit Caffeine Intake

Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of the “fight-or-flight” response, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. 

The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re surprised in the hallway by an angry coworker.

• Get Some Sleep

I’ve beaten this one to death over the years and can’t say enough about the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. 

When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. 

Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. 

A good night’s sleep makes you more positive, creative, and proactive in your approach to toxic people, giving you the perspective you need to deal effectively with them.

• Use Your Support System

It’s tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by yourself. To deal with toxic people, you need to recognize the weaknesses in your approach to them. This means tapping into your support system to gain perspective on a challenging person. 

Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation. 

Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it. Something as simple as explaining the situation can lead to a new perspective. 

Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you can’t because they are not as emotionally invested in the situation.

Bringing It All Together

Before you get this system to work brilliantly, you’re going to have to pass some tests. Most of the time, you will find yourself tested by touchy interactions with problem people.

Thankfully, the plasticity of the brain allows it to mold and change as you practice new behaviors, even when you fail.

Implementing these healthy, stress-relieving techniques for dealing with difficult people will train your brain to handle stress more effectively and decrease the likelihood of ill effects.

talentsmart.com

Getting to Peak Performance

by Lynn Banis PhD -

Are you tired of slugging away and not feeling you are operating on all cylinders? Are you feeling stressed and full of anxiety If you are, that is getting in the way of you operating at your best. 

We all want to be able to sustain our peak performance but it seems illusive and out of reach. Our best does not have to sap our energy, instead it should be creating energy in us. 

We should be in a state of flow where we are moving forward effortlessly. If this is not happening for you here are suggestions to help you get there.

FIVE PERFORMANCE SUGGESTIONS

• What are you doing to be and stay healthy? 

As simple and repetitive as it may sound, this is a mainstay of doing your best. You must take good care of yourself. Eating right, sleeping enough and attending to you physical, mental and spiritual needs are all important. They help you create balance in your life and you need that to perform well and consistently.

• What do you think about yourself? 

Is you self-esteem healthy and strong? What is your self-talk? It needs to be positive, supportive and encouraging. If not, it is liable to be dragging you down with negative thoughts and comments. Your critical inner voice is your own worst enemy. Do not let it be a shaping force in your life.

• How well are you able to focus? 

If you are frustrated, anxious and stressed your focus will not be good and you will not be able to perform as well as you would like to. 

Frustration, stress and anxiety cause negative emotions to flood your brain and get in the way of it being able to function rationally. 

You want to relive your frustration, anxiety and stress to be able to function at a high level. Peak performance is about exceeding expectations. 

• Have you set stretch goals for yourself? 

You know, goals that are reasonable and attainable but that require you to learn and grow so you can reach them? 

Attaining our stretch goals help us to exceed the expectations of others and keep us on our toes so we can perform and higher levels. They help us to grow and to be at our best.

• Are your values and goals in alignment? 

If not you will miss out on high performance. You values drive your actions and they must be able to support your goals. This is a source of motivation for you and it keeps you going even when times are tough.

These five suggestions are just the tip of the iceberg as far as peak performance is concerned but they are good foundational things that you need to be doing to get on your way. If you get these in place you will find that peak performance is within your reach.

Lynn Banis PhD, MCC is known as America's High Performance Coach. She specializes in helping executives and entrepreneurs make the most of their opportunities and potential. Her years of working with small and large businesses has given her a depth of knowledge that is invaluable to her clients. You can reach her at discoverypointcoaching.com or lynn@discoverypointcoaching.com. Also check out Lynn's other businesses: Coach Academy Texas, a cutting edge coach training company and Turnkey Coaching Solutions, a coaching program management and contract coach staffing company.

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How To Transform Stress Into Relaxation

by Lissa Rankin MD -

I was scheduled to speak in Munster, Indiana at 7pm in front of 300 cancer patients, their support people, and their health care providers.

Mapquest said it would only take 48 minutes to drive from the North Shore of Chicago, but knowing Chicago traffic, I left at 2:30pm thinking I’d avoid traffic, sit and work on my next book in a coffee shop with plenty of time to spare and show up fully chillaxin’ in a relaxation response.

Good thing I did.

I inched my way east in bumper to bumper traffic, past downtown Chicago into eastern Illinois, until finally – still with 2 hours to spare – the traffic speed picked up.

I was cruising along at 60 mph, listening to Pandora on my iPhone, when suddenly something in the road jumped up and blew out the two driver’s side tires on the car I had just borrowed from my BFF from my Northwestern days.

So there I am at 5pm in a full on stress response. My amygdala is rightfully screaming “DANGER!” as I try not to careen into the car next to me or get crushed by the car behind me.

Full of cortisol and epinephrine, I wrangle the big minivan into control and limp my way to the highway shoulder, where my whole body shakes from an overdose of adrenaline.

Knowing what I know about stress responses from all my research for Mind Over Medicine, I take a moment to assess myself.

I know that the body’s stress responses only last 90 seconds if we don’t add more stress response-inducing stories to them. As soon as my amygdala realized I was safe, my stress response should have shut off.

But then the stories start.

I watch myself in slow motion, like I am an observer, watching myself in a movie, realizing how we let one real, healthy life-endangering stress response spin into dozens of them.

(“Oh no, I’m going to miss my speech and I’ll disappoint 300 people! Oh no, it’s not even my car! Oh no, how much will it cost to fix this? Oh no, I don’t even have my AAA card because it got stolen in Miami!”) And so on…

Aborting The Stress Response

I know that when the body is in stress response, the body’s natural self-repair mechanisms flip off to focus on getting you out of danger, but personally, I want my self-healing mechanisms in fine form as often as possible.

So before I even pick up my phone, I close my eyes and give thanks for my safety and practice a little Herbert Benson-style relaxation response technique to cut off the cycle (I teach you how to do this in Mind Over Medicine. As I do so, I feel my nervous system start to unwind.

Then I call Matt to get my AAA number, dial up AAA to request a tow truck, alert the event coordinator to my situation, call my BFF to explain what happened to her car… and try to let go of any other stories, since at that moment, there is nothing I can do but wait.

Angels Come In Tow Trucks

The tow truck driver finally arrives – sweet, sweet burly guy. When we arrive at the mechanic’s shop, there I am, in heels and stage makeup, looking quite wind-blown from my side-of-the-freeway hour, and there are 5 guys all standing around waiting to help, even though the shop closed 10 minutes earlier.

Turns out there’s not much they can do. The tires are totally blown out, and they don’t have those tires in stock. They apologize profusely. I am grateful for their efforts.

So we unload the car off the tow truck into their parking lot. It’s now 6:30.

Tow Truck Angel then says, “Don’t you have a speech to go to?”

I nod.

He says, “Climb in, darlin’.”

Tow Truck Angel proceeds to drive me in the big ol’ tow truck across the border into Indiana to the performing arts center where I’m giving my lecture.

On the way, he asks what I’ll be talking about, and I tell him about Mind Over Medicine. Tow Truck Angel gets teary and starts telling me about his father, who was his best friend, who he saw every single day.

His dad died 5 years ago of metastatic cancer. “But he was so healthy,” Tow Truck Angel says. “He ate perfectly, exercised every day, followed all his doctor’s orders. And he was only 67.”

I told him that’s what my book is all about and that I was about to speak to 300 cancer patients.

Practicing Gratitude

Tow Truck Angel shows me a clipboard adorned with photos of the Ford Mustang he and his father built together before he died. The front plate of the car has a photo of his dad on it. Tow Truck Angel gets teary again.

“I loved my dad so much,” he says.

Tow Truck Angel and I have a moment as I tell him about my father, how he died of metastatic cancer 7 years ago and how I dedicated the book to him. We’re quiet for a bit, and I’m noticing that my overriding emotion is gratitude.

I’m grateful I didn’t get hurt or hurt anyone when the tires blew. I’m grateful people have been so kind. I’m grateful for how green the trees are and how blessed I am to be able to do the work I’m doing. I’m grateful the car failed me so close to where I am going.

I arrive at the performing arts center 15 minutes before 7pm, feeling awash in gratitude that I arrive in time.

Choosing To Heal

When I get up on stage, rumpled but not frazzled, I say the prayer I always say, “Make me a vessel.” And then I look out at the faces of those who appreciate my work and I am, again, grateful.

I tell the story about my flat tires and remind all of us – myself included – that when things don’t go the way we plan, we can easily spin into a series of unnecessary and unproductive stress responses – or we can be proactive and choose to abort the thoughts that poison our bodies and turn off our innate self-healing processes.

The choice belongs to us.

This is not an easy practice. It’s so natural to spin out when things don’t go as planned.

I’m certainly not immune to the cycle of stress responses. But for some reason, this time, something – Divine intervention? – stepped in and helped me avoid my natural tendency to make up a million stories that would have left me stressed, frustrated, grumpy, out of sorts, exhausted and because the Universe has a sense of humor, probably late.

I’m sure I’ll fall prey to the cycle again. But the more I’m aware of my tendency to spin into stress responses and the more tools I learn to abort them, the easier it gets to navigate stressful situations.

You too can choose relaxation responses over stress responses. I teach some simple techniques for how to do so in Mind Over Medicine.

What do you choose?

About Author: Lissa Rankin, MD is a mind-body medicine physician, founder of the Whole Health Medicine Institute training program for physicians and health care providers, and the New York Times bestselling author of Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself. She is on a grass roots mission to heal health care, while empowering you to heal yourself. Lissa blogs at LissaRankin.com and also created two online communities– HealHealthCareNow.com and OwningPink.com. She is also the author of two other books, a professional artist, an amateur ski bum and an avid hiker. Lissa lives in the San Francisco Bay area with her husband and daughter.

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