Coping with Disappointment

by Annette Colby, RD -

On your journey through life, you will undoubtedly face disappointment, both large and small. In fact, the more you aspire to step into a greater life, the greater the risk you face of being disappointed.

However, it's how you deal with it that counts. Disappointment can build character and patience when allowed to do so.

 It can teach you to learn from your setbacks, accept life with all its unanticipated disappointments, and come out the other side stronger.

Below are six powerful steps to help you cope with disappointment.

COPING STEPS

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Automatic Coping Actions 

Disappointment is a very difficult experience to endure. It's very easy to perceive disappointment as an unalterable failure. Disappointment can feel so overwhelmingly bad that your first automatic reaction might be to soothe yourself with some old tried and true coping strategy.

 Perhaps you find yourself overeating ice cream for comfort, going to bed to escape life, or drinking away your disappointment. Falling into an old comfort habit is fine, but it's not fine to remain there.

When you realize what you have done, let yourself know that it is okay that you checked out for a while. You're back now. And just because you overate or indulged yourself in a numbing or avoidance action, doesn't mean your disappointment is gone.

It's still there inside of you, waiting for you to process it in an appropriate manner. When the effect of your coping strategy starts to wear off, take a deep breath and deal with your disappointment in positive, new ways.

Step 2: Acknowledge What You Feel 

To move through your disappointment, begin from where you are. Whatever you are feeling is your starting place. Disappointment is a rotten sensation and if you are in an emotional uproar, that is acceptable. You feel what you feel.

There's no need to be nice, or quiet, or suppressed. Instead of numbing out or avoiding what is real, express your pain. Cry if you want to cry, cuss at the unfairness of your situation, scream at the top of your lungs, beat a pillow or write a raging letter about your disappointment.

The point is not to blame, punish, or dump your feelings on anyone. Your purpose is to be honest with yourself about what you are feeling. If you feel hate, bitterness, self-pity, helplessness, or even desire revenge, then that is what you feel.

Express yourself to yourself, get it out into the open, then move on to the next step.

Step 3: Put Things into Perspective 

At first, your disappointment can feel like the end of the world. It's not easy to accept that you've worked hard to attain a certain outcome and now you face disappointment.

Let yourself know that while your disappointment feels bad, this kind of thing happens to everyone in life. You are not being singled out or punished. Remind yourself that disappointments won't last forever. The sun will shine again, tomorrow will come, and soon you will feel better again.

Step 4: Dissolve Doubt 

When experiencing disappointment, it can be easy to slip into doubt. You may automatically find yourself engaged in limited thinking, and feel yourself wanting to give up. Become aware of what beliefs rise to the surface as you face your disappointment.

Here are a few examples:

• I can never have what I want.
• It was stupid of me to even try.
• There wasn't really much chance of success in the first place.
• My best is never good enough.
• Poor me, why does something like this always happen to me.
• I'm being punished.

The benefit of facing disappointment in a new way is that you allow yourself to become consciously aware of what you believe deep down inside of you about your life, your self, and your abilities to succeed.

Once you can recognize your limiting beliefs, you can take steps to begin releasing those beliefs and building new self-empowering beliefs.

Step 5: Take Three Deep Breaths 

Often, our first response is to analyze what went wrong and then try to fix the disappointment. We begin to obsess about the disappointment, telling ourselves repeatedly, "I'm so disappointed. What can I do?"

We go over the situation repeatedly looking for a way to make it right or for someone to blame. Notice how trying to fix the situation makes you feel tight, anxious, and fearful.

There is another option. When you are feeling disappointment, take three deep breaths and go into yourself. Allow your mind and body to relax and calm down. Release some of your tension.

Now, as you consider your disappointment, say the words, "There's a positive lining to this disappointment and I'm sure something good is coming from this experience." Don't try to hide from your disappointment, but find ways to extract value from your experience. Notice that by breathing and relaxing a little, you begin to open to new possibilities along with new hope.

Step 6: Talk to You What You Say to Yourself During Your Disappointment 

This can make all the difference. I'm not suggesting sugar-coated affirmations here. There is nothing worse than affirming, "I am blissful, content and serene" when you are anything but.

Now more than ever, you need a friend to listen to your situation and to support you through this difficult time. That friend needs to be you.

Go to the nearest mirror and talk to yourself. Tell your story, state out loud how you feel, and then encourage yourself. Tell yourself, "I can make it through this."

Your words can help connect you to your spirit, your confidence, and your source of new possibilities. In case you are out of practice with your self-encouragement, here are some empowering statements that can lift your spirits:

• I know that I'll feel better soon.
• I've gotten through disappointment before. I know I'll get through this.
• I'm going to be open to the silver lining hidden within this disappointment.
• Good will come out of this situation. I choose to be patient as it unfolds.
• I don't know exactly what to do right now, but I know that I will make the right choices.
• I have choice over my feelings and right now, I choose to breathe more deeply into my peace, not my fear.

Remember, it takes courage to leave the rut of disappointment. Don't quit yet. Use the steps above to discover the tremendous capacity within you to rise above and beyond your disappointment and reach success.

annettecolby.com

Steps for Nurturing Higher Consciousness

by Dr. Annette Colby -

As many of you are already aware, we are living in an extraordinary time of great evolutionary change. We are in transition from one stage of consciousness to another. The old way of life is ending and new way is being born. 

This transition is occurring not only in the external world, as witnessed by our rapidly shifting reality, but also within our internal world. 

These challenging times ask us to look within, and to think more deeply about who we are, why we are here, and where humanity is headed. We are living in a time where a higher stage of human awareness is unfolding. 

A higher consciousness means moving beyond our tried and true ways of seeing the world and gaining a greater sense of clarity with new insights and understandings. 

What this really means is that we have reached an age where the old is going, and the new is in the process of being built. There is a future being created that we are all a part of.

This evolution of change is happening not only around us, but also within us. It’s a transition where we leave behind the sense of “who I am” to become something more. 

We release our self-image of needing to be a “good” person, step beyond conformity and structure, and discover our true nature. With this new awareness reality is seen differently and new possibilities emerge. Changes in patterns of thought, emotions and behavior occur. 

With higher conscious awareness we allow our light to shine through.

This transition and transformation is personal and can often be painful. We release the residue left by childhood wounds, the influence of society, and the fears held within to uncover the divinity within. 

By understanding what is happening to ourselves, humanity, and Earth, we are able collaborate with evolution with a measure of self-assuredness—becoming conscious participants and helping to ease the process. 

Below are several ways that we can lead ourselves into an awakened state of future possibilities and expanded love.

1. Pay Attention to Your Senses 

Higher consciousness is about being more aware. We’re used to seeing the world around us in a certain way. Increase awareness by keeping your senses open. 

• Look around and seek the possibilities. 
• Listen to the sounds around you, in you, inside and outside. 
• Smell the air in the room and notice if it feels alive or stagnant, warm or cool, heavy or light.

2. Look around and notice your surroundings, both near and far. 

• How far out onto the horizon do you typically look? 
• How often do you notice the ants or a tiny grain of sand? 
• What looks different since you last noticed the things around you? 
• Have the plants grown? 
• Are the bookshelves dusty? 

Notice the different colors, textures, and shapes. 

Touch a few of the objects around you and notice how they feel. Slow down and taste your food more fully. Inhale the aroma, enjoy the colors, feel the temperature, and taste the subtle flavors.

3. Pay Attention to the Choices that Feel Good and Right to You 

We often live our lives on autopilot, doing things the same way because that’s the way we’ve always done them. 

Our thoughts and actions are reactionary, keeping us locked within the same level of consciousness. To expand your level of awareness, check in with yourself before making your next choice. 

• Do you really want to say “yes” to that unexpected request because it feels right inside of you, or are you saying “yes” because you think you are supposed to? 
• Do you like how your furniture and pictures are arranged or is it just easier to keep them the way they are? 
• Does your body want to eat that next bite of food… and if so, how do you know? 

Paying attention to the choices that feel good and right to you is how you learn to trust your heart and your spirit.

4. Pay Attention to Nature 

Your spirit is the feeling of inner peace that exists beyond your everyday aches, pains, and so called negative emotions. 

Your spirit is the love that you seek, the connection that you crave, and who you really are. 

If you are wanting more connection with your authentic self, then being outdoors is a powerful way to nurture your spirit. Being in nature allows you to see beyond your human condition and remember that there is more going on than the current immediate drama of your life. 

 There is more to who you are than the non-stop mental chatter going on in your head. When we’re in nature, we breathe more deeply. We inhale life and recognize that we are a part of life itself.

5. Pay Attention to Your Intuition  

We can’t think our way into higher consciousness. It is gained as we embrace and nurture what is authentic within. 

We step beyond the patterns and cycles of our lives, and move beyond our short-term survival mode by learning how to listen to, and act upon, our intuition. 

Intuition is our ability to get a sense, understanding, or feeling about something. Intuition is about making new choices that move you forward into advantageous possibilities. 

As you pay more attention to your intuition, you are able to make heart-based decisions that lead to greater self-respect, uncover your natural talents, and enrich your relationship with yourself and life.

Conscious awareness is a feeling of being alive and bringing your spirit into your body, into life, and into humanity. Calmness, peace of mind and decreased worry, anxiety and stress are some of the byproducts of becoming more conscious. 

Follow the steps above and lead yourself into a world of new possibilities and expanded love.

annettecolby.com

Finding Inner Peace

by Annette Colby, PhD -

We all crave inner peace but how do we reach it? 

Will it take years of intense meditation practice to reach inner peace? Will you need to spend hours in weekly yoga classes? Will you need to climb to the top of a Himalayan mountain and seek the counsel of an old wise man to share the ancient secret to inner peace?

While your path to expanding inner peace may or may not include meditation, yoga or spiritual wise men, it will be a unique journey. 

Discovering inner peace often leads us down a twisty, curvy road. However, if you are ready to step onto that pathway and have greater inner peace, continue reading and discover practical and useful steps that you need to know to get started.

Definition of What Inner Peace Is Not

Let's begin by gaining a deeper understanding of what inner peace is not. Being able to rule out some false ideas of inner peace may just save you years of frustration. First, inner peace does not mean that you walk around thinking only "positive" thoughts.

The mind simply doesn't work that way and besides, it is almost impossible to try to control what your mind thinks. In addition, inner peace is not an evened out emotional state where there are no highs or lows.

Inner peace does not show up when everything about your self, life or the world is perfect. You probably already know that inner peace is not found in food, overeating or finding some way to escape from your stress or emotions. What you might not realize is that inner peace is also not found at the end of your weight loss goal, or for that matter at the end of any goal.

If you do not experience inner peace with a particular aspect of your current life - whether it be with your body, occupation, partner, home, etc. - you will not gain inner peace by merely losing weight, changing your job or partner, or moving.

For example, if you do not cultivate love for you body and life now, it will not suddenly appear when you are thin. A person outside of you does not award inner peace to you because you worked hard enough, attained your goal, achieved the perfect body, or because you have been a "good" boy or girl. In other words, inner peace is not something you can earn.



Definition of What Inner Peace Is

So what is inner peace? Inner peace refers to a state of having enough knowledge to stand strong even in the face of stressful or undesirable life situations. It is an ability to breathe deeply, find center and regain an internal sense of calm or fortitude during all of life's experiences.

It is the ability to handle situations and conflicts, in life and in ourselves, with acceptance, empathy, and creativity.

Sometimes, inner peace is defined as having a calmness and general freedom from anxiety. However, perhaps more importantly, rather than seeking the absence of negative thoughts, stress or emotions, inner peace is your ability to accept those thoughts, worry and feelings when they occur.

Then instead of getting stuck in them being able to move beyond them.

Inner peace grows as you remind yourself that you have the capacity to deal with your challenges. You may not know exactly how or when you will reach a desirable outcome to your situation, but you have an inner peace knowing that you will persevere and achieve success.

For example, instead of stressing or worrying and then using overeating to calm or avoid dealing with an unpleasant situation or emotions, you would know how to tap into your inner peace and find creative solutions to your problems.

Inner peace is your ability to slide back into your own genuine optimism and faith in life and yourself and to deal with anxiety, stress or emotions when they occur.

How Do You Gain Inner Peace?

Attaining inner peace is a ongoing process that evolves, grows and expands as you place your attention on it. It is an ever-expanding realization that you are safe in the world, that you have the power to create change in your world and that you are connected to love itself.

This inner peace does not happen overnight. It happens gradually throughout your lifetime. First, you deliberately and consciously choose having greater inner peace as your objective and then you decide to take small daily actions that support your having what you want.

A great working definition of inner peace would be, "I am glad to be alive!" 

This definition points to the importance and joy of your own life. It is a feeling of wanting to be here on Earth - even through the sad times and the bad times. If you look at your own life right now, you can quickly see where you are in terms of feeling, "It's great to be me, it's great to be alive!"

Maybe you are way up high on the scale, loving yourself and loving life. Then again, maybe you are way down the scale, depressed, not seeing much point to your life or even contemplating suicide.

However much or little inner peace you currently have... there is more. 

However, having more requires that you decide that you want to be alive and you want to experience inner peace while you are alive. Making this conscious decision immediately puts you on the path to attaining your desire.

Once you are on your path, begin to notice what comes your way. Notice if you want to spend more time outdoors or if you are led to reading a certain book.

Notice if you are drawn to a certain deep breathing class, if you are tired of talking negatively to yourself or if you feel a need to fill your life with more plants, living food or animals.

Amazingly, your path to ever expanding inner peace involves something as simple as making a decision to have inner peace, then listening to your inner suggestions and following through on your inner nudges.

Do this deliberately, everyday and you will begin to notice the changes that occur within you. Choose inner peace and choose the actions that support inner peace... and watch yourself awakening to a new sense of, "It is good to be alive!"

selfgrowth.com

Secrets to a Happy and Motivated Life

by Dr. Annette Colby -

Whether you want to lose weight, end emotional eating, overcome stress or move beyond sadness and depression, creating any major change in your life can create feelings of discomfort. You are here, and you want to be there. As enticing as the outcome of your goal appears, you cannot instantly jump into a happy, motivation filled life.

Instead, achieving happiness and success means that you have to venture out of your comfort zone into an unknown journey. On your path between here and there, you will most likely face many obstacles, experience setbacks and failures, feel emotions you don't want to feel, and discover you must learn strange new ways of thinking, acting, and behaving if you want to reach your outcome.

One-step at a time you walk across the middle ground between where you were and where you are going. This middle ground tends to feel shaky and unknown. You may stumble along with unsure footing wondering if you will ever feel confident again. One of the secrets of achieving a happy outcome requires acknowledging and understanding that the changes you are asking yourself to make will be uncomfortable.

Your success rests on planning ahead to give yourself the tools and support you need to make yourself feel safe even in the midst of change and uncertainty. The following strategies are designed to help you find that trust and self-assuredness when you are in the midst of creating your happy and motivated life.

MOTIVATIONAL STRATEGIES

Acceptance of Your Journey 

Whenever you are feeling uncertain, stop and take a moment to breathe deeply. Take several deep, slow breaths. When you breathe, you allow yourself to come back to center and your inner resourcefulness. From center, you can regain your larger perspective about the importance of the changes you want to make.

You can remind yourself that you are in transition because you made the conscious choice to experience more happiness. You are not a victim of this change, and no one forced you into this decision. Although your journey from here to there may not be an easy journey, remind yourself that the joy and success you want to experience is important to you.

It's Okay to Fall, But Get Back Up Again 

When you are walking across the transitional middle ground between where you were and where you want to go, there will be times when you may feel uncertain and doubtful about your ability to have what you want. Perhaps you encounter a roadblock or obstacle, or perhaps the amount of effort you must put forth on a daily basis was more than you bargained for. You will consider quitting.

The question becomes, when you want to quit, will you curl up, tell yourself you can't have what you want, or desperately pray that someone comes along to rescue you? Or are you going to gather up all your courage and find some way to gain motivation move forward once again?

It's okay to stumble and fall, we all do it at one time or another. It is even okay to lie in the dirt for a while. What is important is that you remember that you are still on your path, still facing forward, and you can still have what you want. What is the one step you can take right now that will serve to raise your level of motivation higher?

Choose Faith 

Have you ever heard the expression, "Feed your faith, not your fears." I love how this phrase can boil down a complicated situation into a very simple choice. Use this phrase to perform a reality check on yourself.

When you feel doubt or fear, are your thoughts and actions helping to build your self-confidence that you can have what you want, are they causing you to go further down a dark spiral of negativity and despair? The issue is not whether or not you will experience fear.

Fear is a natural by-product of going on your goal journey. The issue is how you will deal with fear when it shows up - will you feed faith or will you feed fear?

Get Support 

Your journey between here and there is your own unique experience that you must navigate on your own. No one can take the journey for you, and no one can pick you up and drop you off on the other side. The journey itself is what offers the strengths, insights, wisdom, and joy that you are looking for.

Therefore, you must walk our own path - but that doesn't mean you can't hold hands with some friends for a awhile. Meet with a nutrition therapist, life coach, friend, or advisor on a regular basis to keep you motivated. Your support people can help you though periods of self-doubt and instability and remind you that being able to feel more happy and motivated is what you want most.

Words Are Powerful 

Be acutely aware of the words you use. Do the words you speak to yourself empower you or leave you feeling powerless? Are your thoughts self-supporting or self-defeating? Do you encourage yourself when things are going well and when things are difficult?

Learning to motivate your self with positive, self-affirming, resourceful, and loving language is what allows you to feel happy and gain motivation to take each next step. Look into your own eyes in the mirror and speak kind, persuading words. It is up to you to provide the motivation you need to achieve success.

Take A Risk 

Change requires you to move from your smaller, confined circle of comfort to one that is larger and more expansive. To achieve ultimate success, you will need to move beyond the edges of your comfort zone.

Like Columbus sailing off to explore the edge of the ocean, you too are exploring unknown new territory. Allow yourself to be a beginner again - this is how you grow and transform. If you take a risk and fail, learn from the experience and adjust your actions. Just don't give up!

Create A Ritual to Honor the Change 

Symbolically acknowledge your journey by creating a ritual to honor the growth and changes you have been making. A ritual can be anything metaphorical that has meaning to you.

Perhaps it might be burying your scale, donating all your larger clothes, giving your diet books to the local library, a celebration of your journey with friends, or even listing all the things that have been holding you back on little strips of paper and burning them.

Take some sort of physical action to acknowledge the path you are moving along. Doing this creates a deeper sense of meaning and importance to your daily actions, and raise your motivation level. You develop respect for the transition that you are engaged in. A ritual may help you close a door that you are ready to close.

Get a Transitional Object 

Your ability to feel happy and keep motivated can also be increased when you carry a transitional object. Your transitional object can remind you of your successes so far, and keep your vision on your overall goal. The object could be something that reminds you of your journey, or it could be an item that provides comfort.

Link your sense of touch to the feeling of being happy or motivated. For example, think of how a toddler is able to comfort itself with a stuffed animal or blanket, or how rosary beads can help move thoughts back into love. Find your own transitional object that you can touch, stroke, or hold to remind you of the importance of your journey and provide you with motivation to continue forward.

Below is a list transitional objects you could easily carry in your pocket or on your body:

• Small smooth stone
• Crystal
• Special necklace
• Ring for your finger
• Sea shell
• Symbolic lapel pin

Your goals to end overeating, lose weight, overcome stress or move beyond sadness and depression are important goals. Congratulations on your courage to move forward and make a better life for yourself.

Use these tips and suggestions to keep yourself motivated, feeling happy about the changes you are making and believing in yourself. Although your path may seem shaky at times, you truly can live the life of your dreams.

selfgrowth.com

Feeling Worse Instead of Better?

by Dr.Annette Colby - 
Positive Signs of Personal Growth:

A great wave of healing and awakening is sweeping the world. A new time of personal growth, conscious awareness and awakened co-creation among humanity is flowering. People are stepping into an exciting ability to bring greater peace, love and joy into their lives.

Perhaps you have noticed this breath of awakening within yourself. However, instead of feeling better, you may be experiencing some unusual ― and often perplexing ― symptoms.

Bringing about change in our lives ― even attempting to increase our level of joy ― involves stepping outside our familiar roles and actions. And exiting beyond the comfort zone into the unknown can easily trigger intense emotional responses, mental confusion and uncertainty and physical aches and pains.

Point of Departure 

If you’ve been working steadily to overcome an addiction, move beyond an old limitation, bring more joy into your life, or manifest a new beginning, then eventually you bring yourself to a point of departure. It’s in this “space” between the old and the new that difficult feelings often arise. These feelings develop because ties to the old have not yet been cut and the final step into the new has not yet been taken.

This point of departure is a necessary phase of the journey. 

Within this space, former limitations and doubts that you have worked so hard to dislodge must now continue their ascent outward. Just as bubbles rise up and out of a champagne glass, outdated beliefs and associated heavier energies begin their exodus. In addition, unfamiliar new energy, intuition, and awareness are poised to come in and take their place.

When going through a process of personal growth, everything ― including your mind, body, and spirit ― must reorganize. This process of rewire and restructure occurs as a natural byproduct of growth, but often feels unfamiliar and disturbing.

Goodbye and Hello 

Rest assured that any discomfort you may be feeling is normal. The point of departure is one of goodbye and hello. Often parting and saying goodbye, even though desired, can often bring sweet sorrow. So although the experience may not make you feel particularly good, feeling worse before feeling better is often a sign of progress.

The biggest problem with personal growth symptoms is that people stop moving forward or discontinue the very path that was leading them to a more fulfilling life. Just like an elastic band stretched tight, the pull back into the old intensifies and the fear of releasing into the unknown grows in proportion.

Although your difficult feelings may be unexpected, rest assured that you are not doing anything wrong and you’re not going to feel badly forever. The important thing to note is that worsening symptoms do not indicate failure but in fact are usually a sign of just the opposite.

Point of Departure Symptoms 

Not everyone experiences exactly the same physical, emotional and mental symptoms when moving through the steps of personal growth and higher consciousness. Resistance to letting go or fear of change may be factors that contribute to the length, severity or intensity of individual point of departure symptoms. Remember that you worked hard to bring yourself to this point, and when you are ready, you will once again move forward.

Listed below are a few of the experiences and feelings you may encounter as you move forward into your new world of conscious living: 

• A yearning to feel a deeper connection to your own inner spirit

• Needing to know if there is more to life than what you already have

• A compelling need to let go of old fears, addictions, or outdated habits

• A readiness to finally release challenges with money, health, or love ― and new awareness of personal responsibility

• A longing to release patterns of isolation, abandonment, anxiety, and illness

• A burning desire to seek a more fulfilling and meaningful life – although you may not yet be able to define exactly what that new life would look like

• An attempt to follow and trust a deeper, heartfelt sense of your true self, but not knowing how to express your authentic self

• A heightened sense of intuition, but not trusting what you know to be true

• Instead of elation, experiencing unanticipated boredom, emptiness, futility, and even depression

• Feeling lost, no longer sure of what your role or identity is

• Disinterest with traditions, obligations, and customs that once were a source of joy

• A sense of being alone, different, or unable to connect with other people

Although the strange feelings associated with personal growth and increased conscious awareness are uncomfortable, they are a positive sign. While you may believe you are stuck or that you have failed, you are actually in the process of shedding old limitations and preparing for a new way of experiencing yourself in life.

Breathe, Relax and Trust Yourself 

If you recognize yourself in any (or many) of the above symptoms, take comfort that you are already on your perfectly unfolding evolutionary process into new beginnings and new connections.

To help yourself to continue moving forward, breathe often. Slow, deep, and conscious breathing is “spiritual lubricant” that keeps thing gliding and keeps things moving. Breathing moves old beliefs, emotions, and energy. Breathing gets you back in your body. Breathing gets you centered and helps you get out of your own way. Breathing also helps you to release stress and relax.

In addition to breathing, take care of yourself in gentle ways that help ease anxiety and soothe your body, mind, and spirit. Now more than ever, it’s important to support your journey of wellbeing with actions that nourish.

Listen to your growing intuition and follow through on those gentle nudges to drink more water, sit in the sunshine, take a gentle walk, soak in a hot mineral bath or eat some vibrant life-filled foods.

Even during the rough times, remember the purpose of your journey was to say “yes” to life and “yes” to allowing yourself to have an enjoyable life experience. Believe in your own process and take comfort in the knowledge that your uncomfortable feelings are positive signs of movement. You deserve the very best, ever and always.

selfgrowth.com