The 3 C’s of Life

by Dr. Carolyn Porter -

Choices, Chances and Changes:

Most individuals do not like change, which is why so many people remain right where they are in going nowhere jobs, relationships, careers, afraid to step out into something new. 

So what happens is that people settle.

They settle for this relationship or that job because of their fear of stepping into uncharted territory, and they somehow justify their decision as “It’s better than nothing” or “better than so-and-so has” or “it could be worse.”

Settling is a common choice for so many individuals and I see it over and over in the lives of my clients.

A post was made on Facebook that someone sent to me that really resonated with me with its profound implication and it went like this: 

"The 3 C’s of Life: Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change."

This is so true and something to internalize and understand. So let’s talk about it for a bit.

The Power of Choice

You were born with one of the most powerful gifts anyone could ever have and that is the power of choice. You have been given free will to make any choice you wish to make and only you can make a choice. 

Granted, if you sit on the fence and don’t make a choice, somehow the universe forces you into making a choice and it may not be the one you really wanted to make. 

Here’s an example.

Let’s say you have been with the same company for a decade. You have no way to advance and no creativity in the job, but it pays your bills so you stay. Inside however, a little bit of you continues to die because you are bored, unhappy and feel unproductive and non-creative. 

So one day, because you ignore the internal push to move on into something new, perhaps something you always wanted to do, the universe steps in and you are laid off. The company needed to downsize and they decided to eliminate some of the jobs within the company and yours was one of them.

So now you are forced into a choice and you panic. 

You need to find another job because you only received two months severance pay. Your fear takes over and next thing you know you grab onto a job that is similar to the one you just left, forgetting that dream you had of something new and better. 

Your fear obliterated your choice so you forgot about chances and changes. You do have a change since you’ll be working with different people and a different employer but it was something you felt forced into doing and you’ll be right back doing the same job as before. And then what about that dream?

So often we have such little faith and dare not trust the power we were born with – the power to make choices that raise us up rather than pull us down. Many times these choices involve taking a chance with the changes that will ensue and that feels too scary. 

We’ve all been in this place; I know I have. 

I have found over the years that if I surrender the entire situation and the possible choices I can make, I always receive the clarity I need from God so that I make what feels like the wisest choice. 

Of course the big “if” is whether I truly surrender the whole situation and totally get out of the way; the same is true for you. We humans like to get our hands in the mix and wonder why something doesn’t work. 

So the only way to make a wise choice, take a chance and move with the change is to let go completely of all the details of the entire set of circumstances. That’s a tough order for many but it is the only way to be willing to step into unknown territory with ease.

Several astrologers and intuitive individuals have shared that big changes are occurring in our country and the entire world. We’ve certainly been seeing many of these changes coming for some time but now we are living in the midst of many of those changes, probably not liking some of them, perhaps many of them. 

Just understand that many more are on the horizon and the only way to experience the changes in peace is to flow with them. 

However, we continue to have our personal power and freedom to make our own choices, even when authority or government makes some choices for us.

Our freedom of choice within our internal self is something no one can take away from us.

With your inborn power of choice, you can take marvelous chances and effect many changes that propel you into something bigger and better. 

However, there is something very important for you to realize as you make choices. 

Law of Cause and Effect

It’s the Law of Cause and Effect or some refer to this principle as what you reap what you sow. If you make the choice to take a chance and make a change, then let me share this powerful quote from Karol Truman’s book Feelings Buried Alive Never Die:

“When you are BE-ing the kind of person that is most desirable for you to BE, then you will automatically DO the best you can DO—then you will HAVE the peace and whatever else that is most desirable in life for you to HAVE.”

What that means is that making a choice to follow your heart and leave behind the job, relationship, career or whatever else no longer serves your highest good, is the first step into BE-ing, and as you take a chance and make a change, you will DO your best and HAVE what you desire. 

Remember this…we are not Human Hav-ings nor are we Human Do-ings, but we are Human Be-ings. 

As Karol Truman so aptly says, 

“So instead of Having…Doing…Being…Life works best Being…Doing…Having."

So with this basic understanding of Being first, it can be easier to make a choice for something new, take the chance required so that you make changes in your life!

wheremiracleshappen.com

Mindfulness and Pain

Dr. Carolyn Porter -

Mindfulness is being consciously aware and accepting of what is going on in and around you at the present moment without judging it in any way.

It is more like being the “observer” rather than stepping into the story that is playing out in your experience. You become aware of all that you feel and are thinking as simply an event that you are witnessing.

Pain is something that immediately gets your attention because it is a physical feeling.

Your first thought may be to get rid of it or avoid it in some way. But as you become aware of what you feel, you become emotionally involved with the pain.

You might feel anger, frustration, irritation or even fear. Then you may actually create a “story” around the pain such as “Maybe I have something serious wrong with me,” or “I overdid it yesterday so what else could I expect?”

There are three layers in any painful experience – 

• first the feelings, 
• then the emotions that surface surrounding it
• and finally the story you create about it. 

You can use mindfulness to shift your relationship and experience with the pain so that you can not only ease the pain and suffering, but you may be able to stimulate your body’s innate ability for healing so that your pain can be reduced or eliminated.

When you utilize mindfulness in a painful experience, you can actually change your feelings about it and assist the healing process. Changing your relationship to the pain can keep it from ruling your life.

In the first step you observe the story you are telling yourself about the pain you are experiencing. 

It is likely that much of the story you have created is not true. Perhaps it surfaces due to recollections of past experiences of yourself or others, but it could even be something you are imagining. So you have to separate the facts from fiction here, making sure you only pay attention to what is truth.

With the second step you observe what you are feeling about the pain. 

Are you feeling anger, fear or just frustrated that you are experiencing this pain right now? Step away from the feelings a moment and simply identify what you are feeling, keeping away from attachment to the feelings.

In the third and final step you are now able to actually pay attention to the painful sensation with a loving and gentle feeling. 

Take several deep breaths to relax your body as much as possible.  

Next, feel around the edges of the painful area and simply notice any feelings or sensations.  

Breathe slowly into them and watch if they change in any way.  

Step into the middle of the painful area and breathe in and out of it.  

Notice the feeling of spaciousness in the middle of this painful area.  

Accept it then nurture it.  

Send love to the area and allow it to seep into all dimensions of the pain.  

You can ask the painful area to give you a message about the pain if you wish. 

The answers can be quite surprising!

Mindfulness can be applied to any area of your life and any situation. 

The more you do it, the better you get at doing it. It helps you become more present in every moment of your daily life, gives you clearer insights that can help you on your life journey, and helps you experience positive resolutions to any problems or situations that appear on your path.

The best way to practice mindfulness is through meditation. 

You might be thinking right now how hard it is for you to meditate. Perhaps you’ve given up trying since you feel you can never do it the right way, or you can’t seem to get your mind quiet enough. Yes, it is hard for many individuals to facilitate at first but you have always heard that “practice makes perfect.” 

The key is to simply commit to doing it and not worry about how you do it.

Meditating is simply sitting quietly without allowing your thoughts to take over. Using a guided meditation may help you get started with some success, then you can step into your own meditation style. In the case of pain, you would be following the guidelines shared above, so it would be a type of guided meditation.

You’ve undoubtedly heard the expression “Stop and smell the roses.” 

This is the suggestion to take some time to notice beautiful life moments instead of hurrying through them in the hustle and bustle of your busy life.

You’ve been conditioned by everything and everyone around you to produce, contribute, do and complete. Society wants everything done yesterday and certainly there is no time for pain in a busy life.

Yet pain is a message for you to pay attention to what is going on inside of you. Failure to heed its warning may cost you dearly at some point on your life’s journey.

Consider mindfulness as a new way to step through life and the pain that often accompanies our journey here on earth.

wheremiracleshappen.com

The Square Peg in the Round Hole

by Dr. Carolyn Porter -

I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying: you cannot fit a square peg in a round hole, or even vice versa. No matter how hard you whittle away in your attempt, it is never going to happen.

It has been used frequently when referencing relationships in which the individuals, particularly in intimate relationships, try desperately to make things work, even though they realize they are too different in what they want in the relationship.

This goes way beyond just the attempt to make two completely different individuals stay in a relationship.

There are many things in life that are mismatches and will not work even if you try with everything you’ve got to give. 

Let’s examine a few of these instances.

1) You have a job that pays your bills. You are tired of the stress that comes with this job and the lack of creativity you have. 

You feel stagnant and unappreciated, yet you tell yourself you have to remain to pay your bills, so you settle for less than you deserve. You probably do your best to like the job more or attempt to reduce your stress load but somehow it never happens.  

That’s because you as the square peg cannot fit into this round hole; it’s not what you are meant to do. Yet you remain for fear of not receiving the income you want or need in a new and different job you could love. 

2) Perhaps some of the friends you associate with do not raise you up any more but you want friends and people around you so you hang on. 

things they talk you into doing don’t really fit you or their conversations bore you, but you keep them around anyhow. Perhaps you’ve forgotten that as you grow people will fall away – these so-called friends that were so important once.  

You must let go of the old before the new can enter your life; that’s the way it works. Once again, you cannot fit the square peg into the round hole. 

3) I wonder how many intimate relationships begin with one partner thinking they can change the other and make him/her into what they want? The chemistry felt good as did the commonalities, so the person ignored the red flags that had appeared.  

From what I’ve learned in my life and from my clients, many of them did see some red flags but went through with the wedding/relationship anyhow, only to discover as time went on that they couldn’t change their partner at all.  

Of course there are exceptions to every “rule,” but most of the time it doesn’t work ‘cause you cannot fit the square peg into a round hole! It’s sad that many individuals don’t look past the physical chemistry for what’s below the surface of their partner, and we know that the initial chemistry can fade rather quickly as various issues and characteristics appear. 

4) Another case is the person who remains in their job for security and is not living their purpose in any way, shape or form. 

They know inside something big is missing and they may fight with depression, guilt or even anger without the awareness of why.  

While we do have to survive in this life with sufficient income to live, many people keep jobs for simply the income even though they are miserable and totally unhappy. No matter what they tell themselves they dread going to work each day and it continually drags them down.

Living Your Purpose

Living your purpose however puts you in complete alignment with your soul’s mission and is a freedom like nothing else.

There is no worry about trying to fit anything into anything for it is a perfect fit; you can feel that inside of you.

Sometimes an individual has no idea what their purpose is.

However, when you live each day in pure joy and are open to understanding your purpose while being willing to let go of anything that is a block for uncovering it, then it will appear for you. 

Letting Go

Letting go can be the hardest part for many individuals but it’s only when you let go of trying to control your life and force together things that aren’t meant to be, that amazing things show up.

The same is true for anything or anyone that you are attempting to make fit into that round hole.

Letting go can be difficult but it is how the new can appear in your life, the perfect fit for you. 

So I’m asking you: What do you need to let go of right now? What square peg have you been trying to fit into a round hole that hasn’t worked and will never work?

Now is the time to make the changes you need to make so you can truly find the freedom, peace, love and joy you absolutely deserve. The square peg will never fit in the round hole!

wheremiracleshappen.com

In the Blink of an Eye

by Dr. Carolyn Porter -

I imagine all of you reading this article have experienced a moment when everything abruptly changes in your life and leaves you gasping for a breath. We’ve all had those moments, what I call life’s “blinks.” Sometimes it affects our life positively and sometimes those blinks create a negative feeling.

It’s amazing how one moment in time can change everything.

You are living your life, expecting it to continue in a particular way. Then suddenly, out of the blue, in the blink of an eye, with one choice, everything dramatically changes. It could seem good or it could seem bad, but for some just the fact that there is a big change throws them into a tailspin.

Let’s look at some examples of positive moments:

The love of your life asks you to marry him; You are called into your boss’ office and receive an unexpected promotion or raise; You win a competition; You close a fantastic deal which brings you great monetary abundance; You experience the birth of a baby; You purchase your very first home, and so on.

We have so many examples every day of positive moments – how one moment, a blink of an eye, changes the course of your life. All of the above happenings create big change.

Negative Blinks:

On the other hand, we also have what most call negative blinks. They might look like this: Your company downsizes and your job is unexpectedly terminated; You experience a family death; You receive a large, unexpected bill that you don’t have the money to pay; You are diagnosed with a serious illness; You have a car accident; One of your children have an issue with the police, and on and on we could go with what feel like negative moments.

Once again, in the blink of an eye, everything changes fast.

When things are going well we feel better about life, even though there are always small changes that appear on our daily path. It’s easier to feel good when all is well. But when we have negative moments that suddenly appear or if they seem to be relentless and are sticking like glue, we get upset and depressed, playing the victim over our perceived negative experiences.

Stuff happens!

Every day, every week, every month, every year, throughout our entire life, stuff will happen. We cannot escape the obstacles in our life because that’s how life is. But we can escape the negative response that so often accompanies the experience.

When life happens and perceived negative occurrences flood our path, it’s simply how we see them that makes the difference in our response.

Whatever we focus on expands, so if we see it as a “bad” happening, we will create more negativity around the experience and thus attract to us more of the same type negative experiences.

Why?

Because we are energetic beings and can only bring to us what we are feeling and believing inside of us. However, if we look at the moment through the eyes of acceptance, knowing everything that comes to us has a reason for being in our life, it shifts the entire feeling and brings us a different scenario.

Here’s an example.

I was getting ready to begin working on this article, so the thoughts of what to write were formulating in my mind. I was interrupted by a phone call from an attorney that initially threw me for a loop. I am working congenially with a city group concerning some of my property that they are taking away – progress they say. I had agreed on the settlement and thought all was well. The money I would receive is to complete the repairs necessary after they alter my property.

Then I got the call from an attorney stating that the bank has the authority to take some of the settlement as security and they wanted to take half of it. My first reaction was a wee bit of anger and I found my heart racing somewhat as I felt this was an injustice. I thought, “This isn’t fair. The money is for my use to fix my property once the city has finished their changes.” I was justified to be a little angry, don’t you think? What right do they have to take anything in the first place, let alone half of it?

Where was I at that moment?

In fear! Fear is always based in negative feelings and produces negative behavior. I was resisting the natural flow of the situation in my life. I suddenly became aware of the space I was in and totally surrendered. Immediately a calmer feeling came over me and I thought about the entire situation as the attorney explained various aspects of what was to happen.

As soon as I surrendered I realized I had some options and could lower the amount the bank would take. I said a quick prayer, called the bank and was able to lower the amount substantially.

What is my point for this example?

When you are thinking and feeling from a place of fear and see an impending disaster, you actually create a disaster because that’s what you see.

When I let it go and allowed myself to surrender my negative feelings, a solution appeared just like that. 

Once I let my negative feelings go, even though the situation still required the relinquishing of some of the money to the bank, I was able to understand the ramifications of this situation and realize it wasn’t nearly as bad as my first thoughts had imagined it to be.

In the end, once I let go of my perception of the situation and the resistance, I came to understand there would be a really good outcome in one way that couldn’t have happened any other way.

What I am saying is that we have no control over the sudden changes in our life, the blinks if you will. Perhaps we unconsciously created them for a lesson or perhaps they came to us to direct us on a new path.

They might have come to keep us growing as we move forward on our present path but maybe to let us see things in a new light. If the blink brings something that we like, we accept it much more easily but if we don’t like the blink-of-an-eye change, we resist and fight it. When we fight, we create a battleground. On a battleground there is only chaos, turmoil, anger, fear, pain, defeat or even death.

However, if you accept the changes, even when they don’t feel good and know they are coming for a very specific reason with a gift tucked inside somewhere, you can then become peaceful in the midst of your percved storm.

A Bigger Picture

Life is full of ups and downs, as well as blinks that when you open your eyes reveal a completely different scene than when you closed them a moment before.

Do understand this, there is always a bigger picture to what you can seem and even though everything around you appears one way, you might be surprised what the actual reality is. How you see it is solely your choice!

So when you blink and find yourself in a place you didn’t imagine before, know it is perfect.

Life happens and whether or not it feels good, it is good.

The goodness may not be evident as you’re going through the experience, but at some point you’ll see that it was all for a very specific purpose.

What I have learned along my journey is that everything that appears in my life, no matter whether it feels good or not, is exactly what I need to grow and expand into something more and is always perfect for my life.

My hope is that you too will realize this truth and accept every blink that brings you the unexpected with grace and peace because it is exactly what you need at this very moment!

wheremiracleshappen.com