Discovering Meaning in Life

by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna -

When Dogen, a great Zen Master of old, returned to Japan after many years of studying Zen in China, the people asked what he brought with him to help others who were suffering, he said,

“I’ve come with nothing but empty hands.”

What are these empty hands? Where can we find them? What value are they of us today? 

Usually our hands are full, filled with tasks, problems, relationships and possessions that seem impossible to put down. We live our lives so full of ourselves, full of decisions, plans and dreams. 

Then the winds of change come; perhaps we face serious illness, our dreams are suddenly scattered and our plans dissolved. Most feel as though they were being dismantled. 

Few know how to truly deal with change or why it is happening to them.

When Change Comes

When change comes, our usual reaction is to grab and hold on to what has been. We do not realize that the harder we hold, the more we crush what whatever it is we have in the palm of our hands. 

There are many ways we then seek to gain control. through denial, depression, anger, activity, new plans. This is our will demanding that life meet its particular demands. This is the personal will believing, “I am in charge.”

Holding Onto Everything

We come into life empty-handed and then try to grab and hold onto everything. Immediately, we make claim for ownership. 

We want everything and we want it immediately. We want to receive, to hold and possess forever.

Yet, in truth, what really belongs to us? Even our bodies have a life of their own.

Attachment is usual, but not natural. 

It arises out of a deep confusion about who we truly are, where we are, and what is going on.

It arises out of a misunderstanding about the nature of relationships and fear of being abandoned.

We feel the tighter we hold on, the less frightened we will be. The opposite is true. The gripping itself creates the fear.

This sense of crushing and being crushed is at the very core of the pain we experience. It is our resistance to the flow of life. 

Many become afraid of losing that which they have been accumulating. Everything seems precious, no matter what. It is seldom that they stop and ask, “Do I need this anymore?”

Can I allow myself to be satisfied, to say, “Thank you. This suffices.” Our inability to do this arises because no matter what we have learned in life, few know who they truly are.

How We Know Who We Are

Most of us feel we are our job, achievement, our name, relationship.

Somehow we have not identified with the basis of all life, which is constantly moving, changing and healing, which is filled with new insights, possibilities and love. 

When change comes we grows rigid and bitter, try to pretend it isn’t happening, try to keep everything the same. 

This is a holding action at best. Change is the very basis of our life, not to be fought, but to be welcomed and tasted, to be seen for the gift it truly is.

As we do this, some questions we might ponder are:

• What can I lose and still be me?
• What kind of image of myself am I holding onto?
• What happens to me, if the image goes away?
• Really, who am I?

When our hands and hearts are empty of possessions, demands and illusions, the answer to these questions become clear. 

This clarity itself helps us reach out to others, live joyously and empty our hands. Empty hands are pliable, flexible, useful. 

They can touch and comfort, they can give and receive, they can do what is needed when the moment appears.

Empty hands are just simply there, like the poppy blowing in the wind.

When our hands are empty, they can respond appropriately and completely to whatever and whoever comes along. We are not weighed down, nor do we weigh down others.

As we let go, join with the flow of life many kinds of pains lessen and healing energies have an opportunity to flow.

About Author: Dr Shoshanna is a best selling author published in 18 languages world wide. She is a leading psychologist with a private practice in NYC. Learn more about her many free services: dynamicpsychologyny.com She has offered over 500 talks and workshops on personal and spiritual growth and developing authentic peace of mind. She provides daily updated lessons and reports on self achievement and well being at therapist-in-nyc.com

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Overcome Any Problem with a Zen Mind

by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna -

Mindfulness is the practice of having a calm awareness of one's feelings, thoughts and experiences in the present moment, without judging them, or yourself, as good or bad. 

It means living in the moment and awakening to new experiences. It is part of the Zen mind, and It is one pathway to living a life of your choosing, and to overcome any problem.

The Zen Master

One day an earthquake shook an entire Zen temple. The ground beneath them began to shake, the building collapsed and the monks were terrified. As the world seemed to be falling apart a Zen Master calmly led everyone to the kitchen, the strongest part of the temple.

When the earthquake subsided the Master said, "Now you have had the opportunity to see how a Zen man behaves in a crisis. I did not panic. I was aware of what was happening and what to do. Taking you to the kitchen was a good decision, as we have all survived without any injuries. I had a Zen mind. However, despite my composure, I did feel a bit tense, which you may have noticed, from the fact that I drank a large glass of water, something I never ordinarily do."

One of the monks smiled but didn't say anything.

"Why are you smiling?" the teacher asked.

"That wasn't water," the monk replied, "it was a large glass of soy sauce."

No matter who we are, when an earthquake hits, we all feel many feelings. They come upon us in different ways, affecting our bodies, minds and hearts. At times an emotion is experienced directly, at other times there is increased heartbeat, sweating, chills, fast breathing, a sense of dread or impending doom.

Then, there are the times when we are not even aware of what we are feeling. 

Instead, like the Zen Master, in shock, we may feel as though we are in control but actually not able to tell the difference between a glass of water and a glass of soy sauce. 

Pursuing a Zen mind is becoming aware of our state of being, which, in turn, leads to clarity, peacefulness and a new form of awareness about our lives.

Being stung by a painful emotion can be like being stung by a serpent: it fills you with poison, immobilizes your senses and blocks your understanding of how to proceed in life. 

Therefore, recognizing and releasing feelings is a daily practice to achieving the Zen mind.

The more you do it, the easier it becomes and the less threatened you will feel. Once emotions dissolve, clarity arises, along with spontaneous knowledge of what to do. This actually helps prevent many negative events that might otherwise be able to unfold. 

Or, if the difficult situation has already appeared, by dissolving your emotion, things calm down, recede and take much less of a toll. On the other hand, when you allow emotions to fester or grow, you may be blowing up something small, or even drawing the situation to yourself.

To begin the process of achieving the Zen mind let's become aware of the many ways which feelings appear, the effects they have upon us, and how feelings camouflage themselves and infiltrate all aspects of our lives.

The Many Faces of Feelings

Feelings are tricksters, they manifest in all kinds of ways; as obsession, confusion, loss of control, or dysfunction in any areas of our lives.

Feelings can be triggered by anything - thoughts, beliefs, memories, tastes, smells, unconscious ideas. You suddenly see someone who reminds you of a cruel person in your childhood and become flooded with fear or you are asked to do something you feel uneasy about and anger arises.

Sometimes you enter a meeting feeling good, pick up on the negative energy of others and your happy mood disappears.

Feelings are contagious, suddenly; you too are pessimistic, nervous and glum. When you are in the grip of strong feelings, people and situations can easily manipulate and control you. We are longer in charge of our minds or spirits. We are not in a Zen mind.

Realize - it is not the message you hear, but the way you perceive it, which causes suffering. 

A threatening person or circumstance thrives on your perceptions. It needs you to hold true the stories, beliefs, and ideas the situation is feeding you.

It needs you to see everything it says as true, as dangerous and life threatening. So, to achieve a Zen mind, we begin by understanding the nature of our perceptions.

To begin you have to look at yourself in a mirror and not push away unwanted feelings. 

• First, stop and be aware of your thoughts, your surroundings and your emotions. 

• You must be willing to stand back, make their acquaintance, let go of resisting them and see them for what they are.

• Notice what is going through your mind. 

• Feel your feet connected to the ground. 

• Listen to your breath. 

You may see an image of your past, or a fear of the future. You may realize a false belief you are holding.

Before you can see the truth of a situation and before you can re-claim your inner freedom and the full measure of who you are, you must stand back and grow to understand how your feelings arise. What triggers your feelings?

How do they disguise themselves and take hold in so many areas of your life? When you answer these questions, you become empowered; you have achieved a Zen mind and can live a chosen life and overcome the problems which arise in your life.

About Author: Psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Shoshanna combines the principles of East and West to give relief to those suffering from depression, anxiety, anger, relationship conflicts, and more. She has practiced Zen for over 30 years.

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The Truth About Life's Challenges

by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna -

In the midst of our lives, hungry, thirsty and often weary, there comes a moment when we stop and wonder, “Is this all there is? Is there another way to live my life that will bring the joy and contentment that eludes me?”

Caught in the patterns of our lives, each of us has an intuition of something beyond the way we are now living.

This something has the power to dispel sorrow and transform our lives into one of wholeness and joy. It has the power to heal division and offer the strength, compassion and refreshment we all desire.

Our True Nature

This is what happens as we live from the wisdom within, our true nature, the essence of who we are.

Rather than seek to fulfill everyone else’s beliefs and expectations, when we turn within for wisdom and guidance we have a way of seeing things differently.

Rather than respond automatically, we are true to ourselves, to our own perception and vision and then have the opportunity arises to look at the world through fresh eyes.

As we do this, we can often grow like flowers, planted in the soil of our daily concerns. This may also be called, living our lives from the inside out, trusting ourselves and our own intuition.

As we begin to do this, we develop a new way of knowing and of being in the world. We do not analyze, explain or justify what happens.

Rather than try to mold or control our experience, we simply make friends with it, become acquainted, let it instruct us and be our guide.

First Steps

As we embark upon this pathway, there are certain pointers and warnings which are helpful. Some are listed below: As they become part of your daily lives, you will easily and naturally see how your relationships benefit as well.

POINTERS AND WARNINGS

1. Just Be

Take a deep breath. We are not going anywhere fast. In fact, we are returning – back to our original home. Put down fantasies, hopes and expectations for a moment. 

Just simply learn to be where you are. Sit still without moving and take in all that is going on now. Don’t judge it, hate it or push it away. Be with everything, just as it is; including yourself.

2. Stop Looking For A Quick Fix 

A great danger in our lives is looking for a quick fix, believing there are all kinds of wise ones around who have the answers for our lives. That is not the point here. As they say, “Don’t put a head on your head. What’s wrong with your own, anyway?” 

3. Give Up Unnecessary Pressure 

Most of the time we create all kinds of goals and drive ourselves crazy to reach them. We measure our progress, compare ourselves to others, judge ourselves relentlessly. 

This is not our way. Here we focus upon each breath, each day, each moment and experience it totally. One complete breath brings the next. This path is made by walking. 

4. Go Back To The Beginning 

Many are constantly seeking more and more, exploring new territories, ideas, relationships. They then feel they are advancing and gaining ground. 

However, many rush forward without really knowing where they are going. Once they arrive, they quickly set a new destination and start rushing to it again. 

Our way is to return to the beginning. We stop, sit down, look within. We remember where we came from, who we are and where we are headed. We also remember to take care of our simple lives as well as the lives of others along the way. 

By returning to our original nature, we remember how to sit, breathe, eat, play and re-claim the excitement, joy and adventure we felt as children, but lost along the way.

Discover The 2000 year old Zen secrets for being calm, balanced and positive, no matter what’s going on in your life in Living By Zen, by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, livingbyzen.com . Psychologist, speaker, long term Zen practitioner and relationship expert, author of many books. Contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com or brendashoshanna.com.

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How To Calm Down Easily

by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna -

No matter what is happening around us, we do not have to react impulsively but can learn to respond. Giving into automatic negative reactions can become addictive and it’s important to learn how to diffuse them.

The steps offered here are simple but powerful. The more we practice them the stronger we become.

Tapping Into Our Fundamental Strength

In Zen we say, “Open the treasure house within.” This reminds us that we are all endowed with many resources that we’re not aware of and do not use in our lives.

In order to access these innate abilities, we must stop blaming and leaning on others and turn within. As soon as we start to look within, to take responsibility for how we respond to events, we begin to tap into our fundamental strength.

Pay Attention

We are what we think about. It is easy to become fixated on a negative situation and become in the grip of self-centered thoughts. The more we give attention to that which is negative, the more strength it has to rule our lives. This can be counteracted rather easily. Take charge of your focus and attention. The power of focus is the power of life.

Spend time each day developing focus and concentration. This is also called meditation. 

Withdraw yourself from the external world for a period of time each day, and place your attention within. Sit with a straight back, do not move and concentrate upon your breath.

Let random thoughts come and go. Do not suppress them but do not let them grab your attention away. Count your breath from one to ten, then all over again. Do this for at least ten to fifteen minutes without moving. By not moving we are stopping what is called the monkey mind.

Stop The Monkey Mind

The monkey mind is the mind that jumps from one thing to the next, fears, demands, grabs and sabotages our lives.

When we take charge of our focus, we still and dissolve the monkey mind and we also discover a place within which we can always return, for wisdom, strength and comfort. When we allow the external world to consume us, we are simply giving our natural treasures away.

Take Charge Of Focus

Reality continually renews and confronts us with new tasks, challenges, opportunities and solutions, day after day. Are we in touch with this ever flowing reality?

Usually we focus upon what is missing, what we lack and what hasn’t worked out as we hoped it would. We do not focus upon what is available now, the gifts we are receiving and what we can give to others. It is a simple matter to turn this around.

As we take charge of our focus we dwell upon our strengths and the strengths of others, not the weaknesses. We find what is healthy and encourage that to grow. Rather than struggle to analyze and undo our patterns, we work directly with our focus.

The question before us always is: What am I focusing on this moment? 

Am I available to what is going on or lost somewhere in a dream? By taking our attention off our toxic inner dialogue, and focusing upon what is going on now we interfere with the negative thoughts that are causing our suffering.

However, when our focus and life are primarily self-absorbed, we live in a prison without bars. Any insult, real or imagined can become the cause of great pain, resulting in withdrawal and retreat into fantasies.

As we choose to focus on all that we are receiving, what others need, what we can give, at a certain moment we become aware that our state of mind has become calm, balanced and positive. 

There’s nowhere for upset to take hold. 

Beyond that, as we learn to do each action with full attention, we do not dwell upon the outcome. Our joy and satisfaction comes from acting with a whole heart and mind. And, of course, when we are not absorbed by concern for outcomes, how much anxiety can we ever have?

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Secrets To Healing From Within

by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna -

Modern medicine is based upon the notion of battle. We battle germs and fight for life.

As soon as we feel pain or discomfort, we immediately try to stop it from happening, look for some way to soothe what we are going through.

We feel we must change our illness or problems, overpower them with our expertise. But this leads to a never ending battle, after one problem is conquered, another arises.

Healing from within brings inner peace with it. 

It arises in a different way. We are taught to stop, pay attention and respect all that comes to us. We do not view pain as bad, as something that must be removed at any cost.

Pain arises from lack of balance and brings many messages along with it. When we see our pain as a messenger and learn how to listen to it, healing begins in all kinds of ways.

The first step in healing from within is to see pain as an ally, to learn how to "dialogue" with it. 

At first this requires a complete turn around. Instead of tensing up and gearing for battle, we learn how to pause and understand there is a lesson that we have to learn.

When we do this we find the pain or problem often comes holding a gift in its hands.

Illness often comes when we feel defeated. 

We may not wish to struggle anymore. Some people become ill when they are overly exhausted. The illness is the only way they can give themselves permission to stop, rest, and make much needed changes in their lives.

Each illness has it's own story.

When someone is in physical pain and suddenly understands what is troubling them, the physical pain often subsides.

For full healing to take place it may be important to make changes in one's total life. During illness the body is rebelling.

It is demanding that we pay attention to all that has been unattended.

We may have been pushing ourselves for too long. Now our body is fed up. Stop and listen to me, it pleads.

When we learn how to listen and how to reply, an entirely new life begins. Then pain and illness become an opportunity for vital change.

Learning To Listen

We usually listen only to part of ourselves. The rest is rejected. But no matter what we are rejecting, soon or later we must come up against it and face it straight on.

Rejecting something over and over never makes it go away. It comes back to you then over and over just to be accepted.. Everything needs to be loved and accepted, including our illness and pain.

The best way is to make friends with the pain. If we can relax into it and explore it, many possibilities arise. 

When we let go, and allow ourselves to listen to what the pain is saying to us. Incredible changes can happen then.

To do this, simply close your eyes, stop fighting and ask the pain what it is saying to you, what does it need from you right now?

Then become very quiet and listen deeply. An answer may not come right away. Patience is needed.

Answers come in different ways. Some hear answers within. Others see images, some have dreams. Some sense a new way to deal with the illness. A true exploration begins.

Exercise: Making Friends with the Pain

Look at your illness. Picture it and give it some kind of shape. What does it look like to you? Describe or draw it. What is this image saying to you about yourself and the life you are leading?

Next, ask the image any questions you may have and let it answer you. (Ask what it wants from you and what it would need to go away). See if you can give it what it needs.

This attitude is called making friends with the pain. When we do this we become better able to understanding what the true causes are.

For example, if we feel that life is meaningless, our bodies can start to express this by shriveling up and dying.

If we have held onto difficult attitudes, our bodies will bear the burden of them. Persistent negative attitudes become wounds upon our entire selves.

Our attitudes are messages we give our body. 

Once we begin the crucial work of taking responsibility for and changing our attitudes, our entire body can begin to experience on-going ease instead of dis-ease.

 We must look at the basic attitudes we live with and ask ourselves if they are conducive to our health, or do they contain the very seeds of pain?

In order to heal from within, it is essential to change negative attitudes and patterns, to those that are positive and produce well-being.

Health comes with learning to say "yes" to all of our experience. Wellness emerges out of the balance and harmony of all parts of ourselves.

When we are well, we feel accepting and in harmony with ourselves and the entire world. This state of being brings refreshment and healing day by day.

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